Shaken

When I came home from Pleven in April of 2012, I began combing over Reece's Rainbow. I studied faces of orphans, I prayed for them, I searched for "our child". It was so hard to be looking for a child, knowing that I would be choosing one above another. How and why did I pick one over the other? After we committed to Simon I stopped looking at children's profiles Reece's Rainbow(RR). Sure, there were children I would occasionally check on #11 to see if Simon's orphanage had any new kids up, but I mostly stuck with looking at the family profiles who were either in the adoption process or had already brought their children home.

I believe I did this as a protection for my heart. You see, when I look at a profile of an orphan on RR, I look into their little eyes, I see a child who has been rejected and abandoned and I can't stand it. I can't stand that all their hopes of finding a family are based on this one picture. I can't stand that their might be an orphanage director or worker behind this photo thinking, yeah right, who is really going to come across the world for this kid? I can't handle seeing the red words in bold, "HURRY, I HAVE ALREADY BEEN TRANSFERRED". I know that those words mean in a few months I might be reading about this child passing away. It hurts. Typing those words brought tears to my eyes.

So just to back up and be clear, children on RR are kids with "special needs" ranging from Down Syndrome to HIV, missing digits to paralyzed. These kids are not likely to be adopted by someone in their country and as I understand it, they are not likely to be adopted by people outside of the USA. These kids spend a certain amount of time in a baby orphanage and then might be transferred to an older child orphanage, where if they are lucky they might get to go to school, depending on where they live (some areas won't allow children with special needs or even orphans to go to school). From there if they still haven't found a family, the child will then be transferred to an adult mental institution....where, especially children with Down Syndrome, the child will probably give up on this sad life and die there....in another crib, surrounded by others who have been rejected by society. So you NEVER want to see the words TRANSFERRED next to a child.

A few weeks ago I began preparing for our "benefit show". I knew that this was our last big community event and that I wanted to do a better job of raising awareness for orphans on RR. So I began coping and pasting profiles of kids and I made "orphan cards". This task was NOT EASY. Even in choosing one child over another to put on the cards felt like I was choosing their fate. Again, why was I choosing one over another? Was it their smile, was it their clothes, was it their need? It ripped my heart out again. It made me realize, yes I am making a difference for Simon, but there are so many more. My heart is so broken for each one of them....what do I do with that heart ache? I don't know if I wasn't clear about what we were doing, I don't know if people just didn't want to take part, but I have many orphan cards left over. And it has left me DEVASTATED.

I am praying that the cards that were taken were taken by people who will truly pray for that child to find a family. Oh God, please let our adoption make a difference in the lives of more children than just Simon. I have the cards, if you want one for your fridge, please let me know. I am also available to do brief talks at your church/bible studies where I can bring the cards and allow your friends and family to chose a child to pray for. The thing is, we as americans are very comfortable throwing money at problems. (something I am very thankful for while I am fundraising) but sometimes, not all the time, we have trouble getting our hands dirty. I wonder how many of us have compassion international kids that we "pay for" to have snacks and schooling but who we never write to or pray for? (I am guilty of this) We are just a person behind a check. What I am asking for is to give more than money...to give your heart. Pray, pour your heart out for a child. Plead, cry out and advocate for that child to find a family....and then support that family until the child makes it home. Because I hate to share this with you, but at least 4 kids have died, while their adoptive parents were in process, in the last 8 month. (those are just the ones I know about) This is LIFE OR DEATH.

Here is a family I would love for you to support, even just to write an encouraging comment on their blog...or just giving them 10 in their fund.

http://www.walkingthenarrowpathnow.blogspot.com/

You can donate here:

http://www.adopttogether.org/kirkfamilyadoption/

This family is adopting a boy that our family prayed for. He was dear to our hearts because of his special need, he has Marfans Syndrome. A condition that has grieved my husbands family deeply. This little boy needs to get home and be carefully monitored by doctors in our country for his best chance at a FULL LIFE. And now he has his best chance, because he has a loving family to bring him home. A person with Marfans has no cognitive impairment which means, Ian knows that he was rejected....he knows there is life outside an orphanage and that other kids at school have families that love them. Please pray for his heart to be prepared to be LOVED by his family. Pray for this family's process.

Thank you!!!

Here is a picture of Ian....