We officially committed to adopting Simon back in September. But even before then we had spent many weeks reading his file, looking at his picture, watching his video and praying through our fears. Often adoptive families have a "love at first site" kind of story, a "we saw his picture and knew he was our son" kind of story. We didn't have that. We would think and pray about kids and picture them in our family, we did that for a few little girls who ended up finding another family. But looking at SImon's file and file picture, was scary, it was like looking at the face of a child that could really mess our family up. A child that could send us to the hospital, a child that could die and as a family unit that has lost someone very close to us, that is a very serious emotional risk to make. I think after someone close to you dies, you stop taking for granted that things will just work out how you expect them to....so when we stepped out in faith to adopt a child who had been severely neglected it was very scary.
For months I have poured over adoption blogs of parents who have adopted children from SImon's orphanage trying to figure out what Simon will be like. It seems bizarre that in just over 2 weeks we will be meeting him for the first time. So many of our questions will be partially answered and others will be untouched until we get him home and then more questions will never be answered. I will have a list of questions that I plan to ask the doctor at Simon's orphanage but I know that some of these questions won't have an answer. Even kids that are home from this orphanage for a year don't have an official answer to the question, will he eventually grow and catch up to his peers?
While I work so hard not to judge people based on their appearance, I find myself drawing conclusions based on the 25 pictures and very short video that we have of Simon. (the 15 pictures are a HUGE blessing, Grace had only ONE picture when she committed and adopted Samantha) From the little information we have, we have only assumptions about Simon's health and his abilities. And even these assumptions, as shaky as they are, scare me because I want to accept Simon NO MATTER WHAT. We made this vow when we committed to adopting him. We had to work through loving him even if he never walks or never talks....just in case he doesn't.
I did want to share some of these assumptions just so you can have them in your head when we do get to meet our son. I believe they will help you know how to pray for us, while we are in country. Because while I want to be able to write lengthly blogs while we are in country, we may or may not be able to. I have promised many people that we will post photos and videos as we have them (lord help my unsaavy ipad blogger skills and possible poor internet connection!!).
1. We have a picture of Simon in a standing position, it is unclear in the photo if he is holding any of his own weight. But because of this photo, I have faith that someday Simon will be able to stand on his own. (standing could lead to walking...but I feel unable to make ANY assumptions about that at this point)
2. He seems to be "laid back". Now, how can a person tell another person's personality in a short video and pictures (especially if that person doesn't pick out their own clothes! :)) I have NO IDEA... But Jon and I both have the feeling he will "fit" into our family. It is a hope and a prayer and a faith that we have.
3. I think he is "there". Meaning I do think that he has a mentality that is working, and capable of learning. Again, we will love him even if he isn't behind those pretty eyes, but we think that he is. And we will do everything we can to get him to come out of his protective bubble!
Now, those are my assumptions about him based on my photos. What about my expectations of him? Well I will base those of my research of kids from his orphanage and institutions in general. I expect we will find a child that doesn't know how to play with toys. He will probably push our love away. He will most likely have institutional behaviors, like ticks, maybe even grinding of his teeth, but for sure a vacant staring off into space sort of behavior. Most of the kids rock themselves so I would say he will do that too. He looks like from his photos and video that he uses his finger to play with his lips, which I will find horribly endearing!! I am also expecting to be very shocked by how small he is, even though I am praying that they will let me weigh him and he will have gained weight since the report was made that he weighed 18 pounds!!
My concerns? (which is really just a fancy way to say worries.) My only real worry is that when we go to pick him up we will have trouble feeding him. I am pretty sure that this fear will go away once we meet him. One of my wonderful agency workers just saw him in person last week and he was being fed by his Baba from a spoon...so I am trying to calm myself and believe he will eat. Now, whether or not he drinks, is still to be discovered. :) Oh, and I guess along with that, one of my biggest fears would be that we would have to rush him to the hospital at any point during his trip home. But I am getting ahead of myself. Those are concerns for our next trip. The one we are all praying will be in June, right? You are still praying for June? :) Great!
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