Preparations

I have spent the last week "preparing" myself for our trip to meet Simon. (we leave in 9 days.) You would think that I might have starting my packing...but I have not :) I have been reading blogs again, one in particular, to try and prepare myself for my return to the orphanage. How different this will all feel, as I go this time not as a friend of an adoptive mother, but as a mother going to meet her son. The emotions going in are much more intense. While I am still stuffing my tears on a regular basis, watching any sort of mother and adoptive child reunion will make my tears overflow the damn of emotional self control. It is always the painful sort of throat aching, burning cry. The joy of seeing a child being loved, mixing with the pain and loss of that child ever being rejected. And that is what I anticipate it will be like to meet Simon.

I am blessed to have had my friend Grace walk this journey before me. When she got Sam home, there was still a grief she worked, and in some ways still works, through. It is the grief of knowing what her daughter must have gone through. The grief of discovering the physical, mental and emotional scars of neglect. So while there is joy in being with her daughter in the background, there is a sorrow, for the dark world that hurt her. This is what I am anticipating. I think in some ways I hope that by blogging all this out, that maybe it will make it hurt a little less.

Last week one of my adoption agency workers was in Bulgaria. She fought hard to make sure, that while she was there, she was able to meet Simon. The comment she shared was that, "He was smaller than I thought he would be". I have said that Simon is 8 years old and 18 pounds so many times now, I think it might have lost meaning. I know that it doesn't shock me anymore. The words, don't shock me anymore. And while I tell myself, he is going to seem even smaller in person, and I tell my hubby that too. I wonder how much it might hurt us to see him finally, in person.

BUT, we are in this for the redemption right? RIGHT. I can't wait until I can have before and after pictures to show you all. But I want to let you know it is okay if the before scares you a little. I think it will probably scare Jon and I a lot while we are there. Of course, our fear will be covered in our love for him. I would like you to look at some of Katie's journey, the final picture is one of her after 4 months of being home. http://theblessingofverity.com/2012/04/for-death-he-gave-me-life-indeed/ (you might have to copy and paste) (Katie was 9 years old and less than 10 pounds when she came home)

I have fielded many questions during this process that involve Simon's capabilities now and in the future. I have no real answers for people, just my assumptions and my vow of love. I will love him no matter what his capabilities are. I will love him for WHO he is....I will love him because he is a child of God and for 8 years no one has shown him the love a child of God deserves. In many ways I am preparing for a infant because cognitively Simon will be much more like an infant than an 8 year old. I will be honest, I struggled with my son Ishmael during infancy, when he was just all needs and no smiles, that was really, really hard. But, once he smiled, I could take a lot more sleepless nights, painful feedings, and poopy diapers. So I guess I really hope I can make Simon smile!! If he is anything like Katie, Sam, Moses, or Noah he will probably start to smile fairly quickly after coming home, he may even smile for us while we are there.

He will seem really small. He might seem really scary, but that is why he needs us. If you keep following our journey I promise that you will see some GLORIOUS before and after pictures eventually, because I believe in Simon's redemption story. I hope that his story will inspire you to write one. You know, the Lord fights for the orphan. I know He does, I watched Him do it this year and if you have followed this journey you have too. I am not some super, extraordinarily, Godly person, I am like you, just as broken, just as tired, just as busy, just as full of doubts and fears. However, God has provided for our adoption of Simon, could he provide for you to adopt??? I bet he could....you should take a step forward and see if He catches you :)