moving in the right direction

I am feeling pretty good about where we are right.  Through a series of events I am seeing God line some things up for us.  There have been bumps in the road that I am now seeing as God's protection and guidance.  Has this given me enough trust to know he will guide us to the right child??? :)  Well, I guess I am still working on that.  As a couple we are getting closer to commitment.  However I am waiting for one more batch of files to arrive, there is a part of me, perhaps an overly romantic part that thinks there will be a child in there that solves every debate.  But my heart still aches for the kids we would be passing up that we have already spent hours praying for, discussing and picturing in our home.  We have missed several children through this process and it is a very emotional process.

Grace asked me what my biggest fear was in the adoption.  I am not sure what she thought i might say but I am pretty sure my response scared her.  :)  Maybe I over think stuff but I like to think I am just well researched.  And besides if I look at the worst case scenario I will be pleasantly surprised right?  Here it is, my worst fear in adoption, that it will alienate me from my family, that it will bring us into financial ruin and then in turn destroy my marriage and along the way hurt my son irreparably.  Then just to top it off, everyone on the outside of the situation would say, "see this is why we said it was a bad idea".  And the ones on the inside would tell me God was trying to teach me something.

BUT, that is just my fear.  I think in some ways it is good for me to work through it.  At least I know what it is...and in that way I can walk through it and get past it.  I am sure as I see God moving through the adoption I will stop with this silly doubting :)  I have jumped into a lot crazier things in the past and watched God use them...so why not here.  Why is saving an orphan from a horrible institution going to be in different?  Is it the money?

Speaking of money....part of me is kind of excited to plan an adoption fund raiser.  I love planning parties and events.  Perhaps I will finally have my dream show come true.  The one where I invite all my musician friend to come play 4-5 of their songs in whatever side projects they have been working on....while secretly I will have practiced on one of their songs with them and then throughout the show I can come up and play on a song or two.  This was going to be my 30 birthday party but it didn't really work out.  I may not have ever wanted to be a famous musician but I have ALWAYS wanted to be included in my friends side projects.  To be that person they ask to come up on the stage with them.  I just think it would be neat.

But enough about myself.  Here are some orphans you can pray for....pray they find a family and that while they wait they would be getting some love attention from their caregivers.


Millie is 8 years old and has Down Syndrome.


This is Mary Grace she is 5.  She has Cerebral Palsy.


Payton is 8 and has Cerebral Palsy but his main problem right now is malnutrition.  You can't see it in this picture, I have another one but I don't know if I can share it or not, and you can see his tiny tiny arms and legs.  He is in the same orphanage that I visited with Grace.

My heart breaks for the children on Reece's Rainbow, http://reecesrainbow.org/ and the fact they just represent a very SMALL percentage of the orphans that are out there.  You should pick one to think and pray about...it can't hurt.  They have been overlooked for so long why not be their protector from a far?  Shoot, if you pray hard enough that I am their mom, who knows?? :)