I have been a little blog silent lately, I apologize for this is a rough season at our house. I was just going to compose a blog that explained that right now I am just waiting for word from Bulgaria but then today I did get word from Bulgaria!!
But before I share more about that I just wanted to share the results of the online auction. I was blown away to hear that our total amount raised was right around 2,400.00!!! God is so good. It was also a blessing to hear that more new people were brought to the auction than ever before!! I was very blessed to hear that because I have hoped that with every fundraiser I could raise awareness about not only Simon, but the other children waiting in his orphanage and in orphanages across eastern Europe! So with a thank you to the Lincoln Journal Star, for allowing us to post information in the paper, and to facebook, who has allowed this fundraiser to include my friends around the world, across the united states and across my life, elementary school friends, high school friends, work friends, study abroad friends, youth group friends, church friends and neighbors. I have been amazed at how many old friends and current friends have come out of the woodwork to support my campaign to bring Simon home. THANK YOU ALL!!! I means so much to have your kind words of support and of course, your donations. I have been amazed at each and every penny!!
Okay, so the news from Bulgaria. Well, we have our "verbal referral". What is that you might ask? Oddly, up until Wednesday of this week I had no idea what that was either! Well here is the process, my dossier was sent to Bulgaria, my lovely and talented lawyer translated it and then submitted it to the Minister of Justice (MOJ). We have been waiting for the MOJ to process it, like we waited for the United States Center for Immigration Services (USCIS) to process it before it went to Bulgaria. Apparently the MOJ's approval is a 2 part process. Step one is their "verbal referral" and then step 2 is the "written referral" and along with that comes, the long awaited, TRAVEL DATES for trip 1 to meet Simon.
Now, on Wednesday I was introduced to this whole process by reading about it on another adoptive mom's blog (thank you again!). Her list was complete with dates. Her process showed that from after receiving the verbal referral she waited 2-3 weeks for her written referral to come. When my lawyer told us that we had our verbal she said that the MOJ is trying to get our written referral done by the end of NEXT WEEK!! Miracle of miracles, please pray with me that we do get that written referral next week!
In the end of December I read a status of another adoptive mom that said, "I have been praying that I would have travel dates by the end of this month and the Lord provided!" And I thought, wait a second, should I be praying like that??? Is it really that simple? So I thought what the heck, I threw out all logic, and started to walk through this process with as much faith as I could muster, and for the days I didn't have it I started praying that God would "help my unbelief". I was amazed that every time I was handed a roadblock I took it with stride, or I just didn't believe it was a problem. Which can be a little risky I realize :)
Last week as I was finishing off, resubmitting something, I asked my agency again when they thought I might travel and I was told, "well it looks like you might be traveling as soon as April but maybe May. (If you have noticed any flyers I have handed out or talked to me in the last 2 months you know I have been saying that we would travel in March and have our son home in June) So when she said these words I was like, no, no, we should travel in March. Right then I thought about it and realized that they have sort of been saying April and May all along, I am the one who thought up March and decided that would be the time. And if you know much about international adoption, you know the adoptive mom does NOT set the dates :) So at this point my faith was slightly shaken, I thought, well that was silly, they never told you March, you have no reason to think you will travel in March. But then I thought, well so what? I am praying for March, I know that it will happen in the Lord's timing but is it so bad to ask that the Lord's timing is March? I figure, no way, He has provided every penny for this adoption, He wants to bring Simon into our home. I will ask Him to help that happen as soon as possible and anytime a roadblock comes, I can smile and think, I can't wait to see how you bring us out of this one Jesus!
I am very, very excited to get those dates! Please keep praying with me that they come soon! I would LOVE to tell you that we will be traveling in March :) But, either way, I will be excited to go see my son whenever the Lord decides to grant it.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Online Auction Day 2
I have been pouring over our hidden treasures online auction today. I just wanted to say I am so humbled and thankful for every item that was donated to our auction. It amazes me to see so many strangers working to help bring kids from Simon's orphanage home. Wow, what a blessing. I am also drawn to tears as I see bids from family members and friends who live all over the country. I am equally humbled when other adoptive moms bid on items. What a great community the Lord has given us to help us bring our son home!
I am feeling the love today friends!
Here is a link to a page that shows photos of all the items.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/p/auction-easy-links.html?m=1
I personally like to use this link and because I can see which items have bids, then I just keep pushing the right bottom arrow when I get to the end of the screen to see more items on the next page.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/?m=1
Happy hunting, there are so many wonderful items to bid on and right now the bids are low...who knows you could score a very expensive item at a very low cost.
Thank you all so much for supporting our adoption. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!
I am feeling the love today friends!
Here is a link to a page that shows photos of all the items.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/p/auction-easy-links.html?m=1
I personally like to use this link and because I can see which items have bids, then I just keep pushing the right bottom arrow when I get to the end of the screen to see more items on the next page.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/?m=1
Happy hunting, there are so many wonderful items to bid on and right now the bids are low...who knows you could score a very expensive item at a very low cost.
Thank you all so much for supporting our adoption. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!
Friday, February 1, 2013
A different kind of waiting....grief.
Hey don't forget to visit our online auction. It started today and will run through the 7th of Feburary, my birthday actually, so maybe you should get me a gift off the auction :) (just kidding).
so click on the link and shop for Simon's adoption. Please spread the word.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/?m=1
Okay, here is my blog for today, please be forewarned this is extremely griefy. If you don't want to cry, don't read any further. (warning to family members and perhaps to mothers who have lost children, anyone who has lost anyone)
The Lord gives His people strength, the Lord blesses them with peace. Ps 29:11
I was introduced to John Mark McMillion by a friend of mine who showed me his song, "how he loves us" because in the original recording John cries at the end. He wrote the song in response to the loss of a close friend of his. I found this fact both comforting and terribly disturbing...because I went through a traumatic loss of a loved one and I didn't turn to the Lord and write a song about how much he "loves us". My words to the Lord were mostly ones of anger, and betrayal, I questioned the why and the how could you? It wasn't until last week that a friend of mine told me that there were many more verses to that song that were never put out because they were just verses where John Mark was trying to get his feelings out to the Lord about his loss. I felt much better after I heard that, yes, this artist is a human, and I am perhaps not such a horrible person.
This morning I had a close friend tell me she was trying to be strong, trying to not break down because she knew that was what she was "supposed to do as a believer". It saddens me that we think that way sometimes. Just because we believe in Jesus, doesn't mean that we are not subject to the pain and loss of this world. It also doesn't mean that when faced with the pain and the loss we can't break down. I reminded her about David, who in his Psalms is very free to say, "where the heck are you God? Why have you left me? There are people after me, trying to kill me, why are you silent?" (Anna's paraphrase) That sounds like someone going through something to me. :)
When we were trying to commit to Simon, my husband and I were really struggling. We were struggling through adopting a child that might bring severe heartache into our lives and into the lives of our family members that had already been through too much. Yes, he could bring joy but he could also bring loss. But in reality loving anyone in your life will end in loss. That is a hard truth. You can believe in heaven and still, when you lose someone you love, it is hard. It is too painful.
The thing about Heaven is, it is far away. Yes, yes there are those verses about the kingdom of God being right here, but there is a pretty big veil between us and those who are not on this earth anymore. Bulgaria is far away. I am waiting for permission to go there, to meet my son. Then I will leave him behind....only to come home and wait again. These waiting periods seem so long. But in reality they aren't THAT long. I know that at some point this year I will see Simon and hopefully at some point this year I will bring him home, Lord willing. But, some mothers don't know when they will see their children again. I have been thinking about myself as a mother, as a mother of a child who is so far away, but then I think about the mothers who are even farther from their children, whose children are beyond the veil of what we can see. I am so sorry. I can only imagine your pain and even this imagination hurts me, deeply. I hope that I never have to live on this earth without either of my sons....but the reality is, it doesn't matter that I believe in Jesus, this is something that I might have to face. It is not the death that I am afraid of, it is the loss, it is the separation.
On this day, 3 years ago, my husband's family and I waited in the hospital. We had been waiting in the hospital for days, since the 21st of January actually. At this point we had been through 2 surgeries. We had been through many nights, hoping that David would wake up, many nights of them slowing down his sedation to "wake him up" but then deciding not to because he was too agitated. We had spent days waiting for a stint to come and then watched it fail. I don't remember everything exactly. Just mostly the feelings. The feeling of disbelief that this was happening. The tiredness, the sadness, the fear, the helplessness, the frustrations, the days and nights of 12 plus people living in a waiting room. Puzzles, games, books, totes packed full of snacks, food being delivered to us, taking turns sitting in his room, being told to turn the Sigur Ros down because it was "stimulating" David, reading the notes of those on the day-watch, trying to stay positive while others felt defeated. Filling his walls with posters of some of his favorite people with encouraging sayings, like, Eddie Vedder saying, "I can't find a better man". Then, 3 years ago, 7 days from now, one day after my birthday, on February 8th, David died. We did have a few days with him, a few days when they had him up and around. Enough time to tell him that I was pregnant with a boy, but not "enough time" to say our goodbyes. There is never enough time here on earth to be with those you love.
This is why I have told people that I don't know how this whole adoption will turn out, because we serve a "scary" God. Some don't like me saying that, some don't like to hear that I trust him but it doesn't mean that I trust him to do what I think is best. He is beyond what I can understand, He allows things that I wouldn't, He answers no when you think His answer would be yes. LIke, "please God let my son live". This is not to say that He isn't good. But good isn't always safe and it doesn't mean that it won't hurt. God has provided so much for this adoption. I am amazed at what He has done. But there is a part of me that knows, this is HIS thing, He is saving children in this orphanage for His glory. And I, little old me, don't have any idea what that looks like. I have no guarantees...I have hope, I have peace, and I can have comfort in the Lord. I know the Lord will provide for us, what we need. But I have NO IDEA what how this will turn out.
This week has been hard, we have been praying for many surgeries and procedures. I have been haunted by memories by past grief mingling with new grief. Because the closer I get, the harder it is for me to keep my growing love for Simon distant. After we sent our paperwork, we realized things seem much more "real" now. If I was to compare it to a pregnancy, it seems like I am starting to show and the baby is kicking. Yes, this is real, there is really a life growing in me, there is no turning back. Or for me now, yes, this is real, I am really going to go to Bulgaria to meet....my son.
I don't know how to end this post, to give you hope, I can't tell you there won't be suffering in your world. But take heart, Jesus overcame the world. There is life after death, and loss. You will learn to breath again...it will be really hard at first....but it will come. And somewhere behind the veil, your loved one is waiting, with all the answers to your why questions, with all the healing you prayed for and with all the understanding of Jesus and his power and love. (Sometimes we want to switch them spots don't we?) But while we wait here....we will do our best to love others, to help them heal and to inspire those around us to live lives that make a difference.
We miss you David, but we are trying to live like you did, taking full advantage of everyday, to spend time with people, to always help others and to live so cheaply we can be in semi-retirement in our 30s. Because who the heck cares if we drive nice cars and live in fancy houses if we don't have time to spend with our family?
We love you still.
so click on the link and shop for Simon's adoption. Please spread the word.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/?m=1
Okay, here is my blog for today, please be forewarned this is extremely griefy. If you don't want to cry, don't read any further. (warning to family members and perhaps to mothers who have lost children, anyone who has lost anyone)
The Lord gives His people strength, the Lord blesses them with peace. Ps 29:11
I was introduced to John Mark McMillion by a friend of mine who showed me his song, "how he loves us" because in the original recording John cries at the end. He wrote the song in response to the loss of a close friend of his. I found this fact both comforting and terribly disturbing...because I went through a traumatic loss of a loved one and I didn't turn to the Lord and write a song about how much he "loves us". My words to the Lord were mostly ones of anger, and betrayal, I questioned the why and the how could you? It wasn't until last week that a friend of mine told me that there were many more verses to that song that were never put out because they were just verses where John Mark was trying to get his feelings out to the Lord about his loss. I felt much better after I heard that, yes, this artist is a human, and I am perhaps not such a horrible person.
This morning I had a close friend tell me she was trying to be strong, trying to not break down because she knew that was what she was "supposed to do as a believer". It saddens me that we think that way sometimes. Just because we believe in Jesus, doesn't mean that we are not subject to the pain and loss of this world. It also doesn't mean that when faced with the pain and the loss we can't break down. I reminded her about David, who in his Psalms is very free to say, "where the heck are you God? Why have you left me? There are people after me, trying to kill me, why are you silent?" (Anna's paraphrase) That sounds like someone going through something to me. :)
When we were trying to commit to Simon, my husband and I were really struggling. We were struggling through adopting a child that might bring severe heartache into our lives and into the lives of our family members that had already been through too much. Yes, he could bring joy but he could also bring loss. But in reality loving anyone in your life will end in loss. That is a hard truth. You can believe in heaven and still, when you lose someone you love, it is hard. It is too painful.
The thing about Heaven is, it is far away. Yes, yes there are those verses about the kingdom of God being right here, but there is a pretty big veil between us and those who are not on this earth anymore. Bulgaria is far away. I am waiting for permission to go there, to meet my son. Then I will leave him behind....only to come home and wait again. These waiting periods seem so long. But in reality they aren't THAT long. I know that at some point this year I will see Simon and hopefully at some point this year I will bring him home, Lord willing. But, some mothers don't know when they will see their children again. I have been thinking about myself as a mother, as a mother of a child who is so far away, but then I think about the mothers who are even farther from their children, whose children are beyond the veil of what we can see. I am so sorry. I can only imagine your pain and even this imagination hurts me, deeply. I hope that I never have to live on this earth without either of my sons....but the reality is, it doesn't matter that I believe in Jesus, this is something that I might have to face. It is not the death that I am afraid of, it is the loss, it is the separation.
On this day, 3 years ago, my husband's family and I waited in the hospital. We had been waiting in the hospital for days, since the 21st of January actually. At this point we had been through 2 surgeries. We had been through many nights, hoping that David would wake up, many nights of them slowing down his sedation to "wake him up" but then deciding not to because he was too agitated. We had spent days waiting for a stint to come and then watched it fail. I don't remember everything exactly. Just mostly the feelings. The feeling of disbelief that this was happening. The tiredness, the sadness, the fear, the helplessness, the frustrations, the days and nights of 12 plus people living in a waiting room. Puzzles, games, books, totes packed full of snacks, food being delivered to us, taking turns sitting in his room, being told to turn the Sigur Ros down because it was "stimulating" David, reading the notes of those on the day-watch, trying to stay positive while others felt defeated. Filling his walls with posters of some of his favorite people with encouraging sayings, like, Eddie Vedder saying, "I can't find a better man". Then, 3 years ago, 7 days from now, one day after my birthday, on February 8th, David died. We did have a few days with him, a few days when they had him up and around. Enough time to tell him that I was pregnant with a boy, but not "enough time" to say our goodbyes. There is never enough time here on earth to be with those you love.
This is why I have told people that I don't know how this whole adoption will turn out, because we serve a "scary" God. Some don't like me saying that, some don't like to hear that I trust him but it doesn't mean that I trust him to do what I think is best. He is beyond what I can understand, He allows things that I wouldn't, He answers no when you think His answer would be yes. LIke, "please God let my son live". This is not to say that He isn't good. But good isn't always safe and it doesn't mean that it won't hurt. God has provided so much for this adoption. I am amazed at what He has done. But there is a part of me that knows, this is HIS thing, He is saving children in this orphanage for His glory. And I, little old me, don't have any idea what that looks like. I have no guarantees...I have hope, I have peace, and I can have comfort in the Lord. I know the Lord will provide for us, what we need. But I have NO IDEA what how this will turn out.
This week has been hard, we have been praying for many surgeries and procedures. I have been haunted by memories by past grief mingling with new grief. Because the closer I get, the harder it is for me to keep my growing love for Simon distant. After we sent our paperwork, we realized things seem much more "real" now. If I was to compare it to a pregnancy, it seems like I am starting to show and the baby is kicking. Yes, this is real, there is really a life growing in me, there is no turning back. Or for me now, yes, this is real, I am really going to go to Bulgaria to meet....my son.
I don't know how to end this post, to give you hope, I can't tell you there won't be suffering in your world. But take heart, Jesus overcame the world. There is life after death, and loss. You will learn to breath again...it will be really hard at first....but it will come. And somewhere behind the veil, your loved one is waiting, with all the answers to your why questions, with all the healing you prayed for and with all the understanding of Jesus and his power and love. (Sometimes we want to switch them spots don't we?) But while we wait here....we will do our best to love others, to help them heal and to inspire those around us to live lives that make a difference.
We miss you David, but we are trying to live like you did, taking full advantage of everyday, to spend time with people, to always help others and to live so cheaply we can be in semi-retirement in our 30s. Because who the heck cares if we drive nice cars and live in fancy houses if we don't have time to spend with our family?
We love you still.
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