Commitment to "Peyton"

Well friends this story is a long time coming...I apologize for that!  But since many of you saw my whirl wind last week of fundraising and paperwork I thought I should explain how everything went down.  I have another blog in the works explaining more in detail the emotional work that went into our decision to adopt this particular child but I thought I should go in more of an overview order to start.  So it goes.  (my writing doesn't seem to be as witty at 4am..but blogging is so much more productive than watching tv at this hour.)

When we first saw the pictures of Peyton on Reece's Rainbow, they honestly scared us.  His file came out with a batch of kids that to us, seemed to have medical issues that we wouldn't be able to help with.  We looked over his file and his pictures and thought, that is too much.  I remember at the time thinking perhaps we need to just look for a nice Down Syndrome child from another place.

Something happened however over time.  We ended up feeling emotionally connected to the pictures of Peyton.  Then we started feeling less and less scared about his medical issues and more and more desirous of holding and feeding this sad looking boy.  We talked endlessly about every angle, with each other, with our families and with our community.  Then we gave ourselves a deadline.  We asked our agency to hold his file for us.....then after the weekend we emailed to say YES.  And they said NO.  And we said WHAT THE ?  So that was hard.

It seems that while were considering and even while we were asking for a hold (which wasn't even possible because we didn't have the file at the time!) there was another family submitting commitment documents at the same time.  We were heartbroken to say the least.  My adoption agency reminded me that we should keep working on all our paperwork and things so that next time we were ready to commit we would have all of it done.  But I couldn't really bear to do anything adoption related.  I stopped reading blogs and I stopped working on gathering the rest of our home-study paperwork.  I also stopped trying to fund raise.  (oddly, money kept coming...thanks God!)  Then one day at work I clicked on a link to a blog I had been reading right up until my agency said, "he already has a family committing".  (www.nogreaterjoymom.com)  And there was Peyton's face and above it were the words, "I found that as of today he is adoptable".

I freaked out at this point.  I emailed and called my agency.  I called Jon.  I texted Grace.  I called Jon.  I called Jon again.  Why wasn't my husband answering his phone?  I texted Deb.  Someone, where is my husband?  Eventually Deb and Madi knocked on the window to our bedroom until my husband woke up from his nap! (ah community)  The poor guy really thought something horrible had happened.  By the time I got him on the phone he was so shocked that I wasn't saying someone was in the hospital that he didn't have a reply.  But he did say go for it.  That night I found out which agency had his file and I confirmed, yes he is adoptable.

The next morning I talked to Lifeline (my agency) and they told me everything I needed to get done.  I also needed to pay them the $1,200 agency fee and Jon and I needed to do an hour phone interview with them.  Then we needed to pay Bulgaria 1,365.00 (ish) to submit the commitment paperwork.  At this point I was kicking myself for not doing anything for 2 weeks.  That is when my pleas began on my facebook page for donations toward my adoption.  And people responded!!!!  Praise the LORD.

So we submitted the paperwork, it is in Bulgaria being translated.  I have had some wonderful help along the way.  Here is a picture I got from the mom who met  Petyon recently.  

I find it so hard to think about the fact we have a new child, that I don't really know, who lives thousands of miles away and who is being neglected.  It is almost too painful to let in.  Tuesday will be his birthday, he will be eight years old.  I wish I could hold him and tell him he won't be alone anymore...but my arms are too short.  I have been praying that God, with his infinitely long arms, would do that job for me.  God please help him eat, give someone there they patience to get calories into his frail body.  Let him weigh more than 18 pounds when we go to pick him up.