The Healing.

Last Friday we went to the eye doctor, we were eager to see what he thought of the cataract surgery he had had on his left eye and find out if he would operate on what we assumed was a cataract on the right eye.  Well, it turns out that there isn;t a cataract in his right eye...but it isn't working right.  The doctor wasn't able to see into that eye to even figure out what was going on because it would not dialate, since the pupil was stuck to the lens....OUCH.

Then things took a rough turn as the eye doctor sort of danced out of his area and into predictions about Simons overall development.  He also conjectured that there could be a "tumor" behind his eye???? WHAT???  He then said we might want to get a scan of his brain to find out if something was going on there...but we don't really need to bother since "Simon is 9 and probably won't develop any further at this point".  So according to him, there is no rush to get it checked out, Simon can't see out of that eye and probably never will....

This wasn't the news we were hoping to get that day.  It sort of sent us into a bad way.  Then to add insult to injury I opened the mail to find that our insurance was denied....  I ended up driving around listening to this song on repeat.  http://youtu.be/CS-hB6WMQMY  (I am not a fan of this video...but it is the only way I could give you the song:))  It really does help to be surrounded by friends during this time, thank you everyone, online and in person who have encouraged us as we struggle through this first stage of life after bringing Simon home!!!  

"You and I, we've come so far, we've come so far, we can never look back"

It helped.  It also helped to realize how much I am like the Isrealities in the wilderness.  After watching God part the red sea to give me this child, raising his $30,000 ransom, somehow I seem to think he is going to let us starve out here in the wilderness and doubt that he will pay for Simon's medical treatment.  Sad, sad, sad.  HOWEVER, I am trying to not be so hard on myself.  I was verbally berating myself during a 2 hour feeding, the other day and my neighbor had to say to me, "you are doing a good job, you haven't stuck a tube in him yet!"  It helped so much that she stopped by to say it again to me a bit later.  (we are spending many hours trying to get his kid to eat, I have been fighting a tube since before he came home...after a month, I had started to doubt myself....and I suppose, doubt God)

So in the fashion of this whole adoption, I realized I was being silly and full of doubt and reacting terribly, and so this week God has answered our prayers and brought us PEACE!  The insurance thing seems to be panning out, and Simon has GAINED WEIGHT!!!!!!!!  Today he weighed in at 23 pounds and 12 ounces.  This is up from the 21 pounds he was when we picked him up!!  His cough is finally gone and he is eating better again!  And I am left feeling like a silly little child who pulled a tantrum and then got my way...perhaps it is a little different when what you want so badly is something God wants too???  I am still trying to figure that whole thing out. 

Things have been going better with Ishmael as well.  He has been trying to give Simon all kinds of things, including his PRIZED binkie!  Simon is now sleeping in Ishmael's room and in the morning Ishmael puts all his stuffed animals into Simon's bed and hangs out in there with Simon.  I know this because we bought  a video monitor and we have been able to use that to make sure that Simon is sleeping and not stemming in his bed.  This led us to start using Melatonin to help Simon get to go to sleep. (he was spending 2-3 hours a night stemming before falling asleep)  So now he is going to sleep but he still wakes up, now I am looking into a weighted blanket to help keep him asleep, for now I am using an old army wool blanket.

Well, I have much more to say but I am very tired. Thank you all again for being a part of our journey. It gives me great joy that even in the midst of a long day, I can look around or look online and find people who are helping me along, helping our family heal and showing my son the love and acceptance he needs to grow!                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                                            

A video apology

My friend Grace was appalled and disgusted with my ear wax removal post.  So she recorded a video of Simon talking to make up for it.  She is either not a person that must pick at chipping paint, or she has never had the pleasure of removing that much wax from a child's ear.  I just spend another 20 min trying to get wax out of the other ear.....oh, wait, I forgot, I am not supposed to be telling you about the wax.  Sorry, here is the video :)

(as a side note, he is wearing a shirt he received as a gift recently.  Thanks again, we really like it!!!)

I just want to thank you all again for helping us bring Simon home.  Can you imagine this child just sitting in his crib all day long everyday?  I am very thankful that his life is full of a mommy listening to every word that he says.  We love him so much!  Thank you all for helping us rescue him.  Please keep praying for the children we left behind in his orphanage and the families that are still in process.

Wax removal

I am a person who loves to chip paint off of things. Getting wax out of Simon's ears has been VERY gratifying!

Look away if you are easily grossed out, but here are the results from the right ear wax removal, day 2. (I didn't take pictures of day 1)

I have been putting a little oil in each ear to loosen up the wax. Yesterday I tried to flush it out but that didn't work very well. I just wait for the wax to work and when I see it coming out I use a q-tip to scrape it out. (please note, I am NOT pushing the q-tip in his ear...it doesn't go into the canal much at all as I don't want to push the wax in....my plan is to get it OUT!)

He is FULL of smiles I am wondering if he is hearing better already????

Playing ball and various advertisements.

I have started to feel like the mother of a special needs child. I bought a calendar to keep track of all his up coming appointments, all the super secret phone numbers and emails of doctors, his b.m.s, water intake and calories. Woo, it is a lot. I have been gathering documents, sending notes to the different doctors offices, filling out intake forms and faxing things left and right (thanks to my employer :))

We had hoped that when we put Simon under general anesthesia for his dental surgery we would also be having his cloudy eye fixed. However, that eye doctor says that he won't do his surgery at the same time as the dental surgery because of a risk of infection. :( We still haven't seen him yet, perhaps he will have a change of heart when we see him next week and will want to help us???? Or perhaps he could explain his point of view (WITHOUT SAYING LIABILITY, which is a word that is driving me NUTS lately, it is a cultural problem, that is all I am going to say on that today) and I will understand and I won't want to combine the surgery any more?....perhaps.

Today we went to have Simon's hearing checked. Well, they couldn't really do anything because there was a layer of dark ear wax in the way, completely in the way, in BOTH ears. So we thought, well, perhaps someone could come to the dental surgery remove the wax and then do the hearing test while he is under. Then we were told that no one will do that for us because the audiologist or the ENTs aren't allowed in that O.R. (bummer) I plan on calling on Monday to see if they could just check his hearing while he is still asleep in recovery? (somehow I am doubting they will help us with that but I figure it is worth asking)

I got home and thought, why should we go to a specialists to get wax removed? I googled it and started getting some of that wax out myself. I was pretty excited when it started exiting his right ear...however, I have gotten no movement out of the left. You can pray for that. If we can get it all cleared out, we could go and get it tested again, successfully and then we wouldn't have to worry about getting his hearing checked while he is asleep.

We did have a wonderful conversation with the doctor who was trying to check Simon's ears today. She used to work at Boy's Town in Omaha and was briefly involved in the international adoption clinic up there. (it has since closed, the closest one to us is in Minnesota) She is pretty sure they would do all our surgeries for us at once. But that would mean starting all over really, so we would have to do an intake up there with the ENT/audiologist, a dentist and a ophthalmologist... and then get the surgery scheduled. That would surely mean pushing the dental surgery out much further than it's scheduled date of Oct 2nd. So we will have to pray about that....because it sounds like starting over....which would be a bummer. It would also require a lot of driving to Omaha, which could get stressful when both of us are working. Right now we have been able to get appointments during Ishmael's naps and get monitor sitters, that sort of thing isn't going to work if we have appointments in Omaha.

So on Monday of this week we had a meeting at the local school about getting services for Simon. we are getting that ball rolling, but I don't really know how fast we will let it go. As we sat there with the vice principal, the speech therapist, Occupational therapist and the school phsycologist the subject came up of a swallow study. This was not the first time that this has been brought up. Simon eats slowly, he holds food in his mouth and feeding him is a chore. The OT told us that getting a swallow study will be the first thing that anyone asks us to do before they will want to help us....its a liability thing. Anyway, the fact that we haven't gotten him a swallow study and that he COULD be a silent aspirator, really got into my head and freaked me out. Then last night Simon started coughing, and he coughed all today. I am sure that it is just a cold.....but I am a little stressed. So please pray for our hearts in this...and that the Lord would lead us in what to do.
(on a lighter note, he started sniffling yesterday and I was able to introduce Simon to the nosefrida...I sucked that snot right out of his nose. If you don't have one, you should really get one. They sell them locally at circle ME, the cloth diaper store where I have worked in the past! It would be great for you to buy one going into winter! For my friends not in Lincoln, you should order one online, they are very handy to have. Simon laughed a lot after he got used to it)

Another tool I had to purchase was a very small set of nail clippers. Simon's nails are growing very quickly and they are very thick and sharp. He scratches his face up if I don't keep them cut nice and short. I have to cut them every other day! Which I figure is a good sign that he is getting some good nutrition absorbed in him!

Simon has also not been digesting very well yesterday and today. Although, on the bright side he is eating well. Please pray that we will know what to feed him to help his stomach digest better.
Please pray that all of our insurance stuff will go through and get resolved for August's bills. So far I have
Thanks everyone.
For other adoptive moms. Mealtrain is a great way to organize meals for the first month you are home. We had a wonderful soup brought to our home tonight and cookies. It was great. As I ease into laundry and eventually work I have LOVED not having to worry about cooking. I have been running to the store but only for a small amount of staples, fruit, yogurt and toilitires...and that has been a HUGE blessing. Google mealtrain, it is easy to use and free ( you don't need the fancy one!) My friends and family like knowing what they can do to help and I like having the food and company. They get to meet Simon, I get to eat great food....a WIN WIN.

Simon has been doing great with these appointments. I wear him in the baby carrier in all of them....it really relaxes him and the doctors and pretty much do whatever while he is on me. Most of them are very okay with that and so am I. We borrowed a Boba carrier from my friend Grace....it has worked wonderfully. I am VERY thankful we have it. If you are an adoptive mom, you should really at least give the carrier a try it is GREAT for attachment with you little one and it is really helping me with Simon in these appointments and anywhere really. I tried to go in the pharmacy without him in it yesterday and it was ridiculous. He doesn't hold still and attracts a lot more questions when he moving all around in my arms and I couldn't set him down anywhere....the baby carrier is where it is at. (Again, this can be purchased locally at circle ME!...shoot they will even mail you one will you are out of state :) )

That is all, I am tired and going to bed and I am turning into one big commercial :)

things aren't bad :)

Last night before I went to bed I read a blog post by the "heavenly housemaker". The gist of it was, don't be so hard on yourself, you are not perfect! That was my take away at least.

Today was hard, yesterday was hard as well. Thankfully, it is not Simon that has been the difficult one. I am praying the Lord will keep giving us strength to give Ishmael the attention he needs to adjust to his new life with a brother. Don't get me wrong, taking care of Simon can be tiring, but in a different sort of way. Ishmael has been pushing all of our buttons while simultaneously peeing and pooping through 2 car seats and a couch. FRUSTRATING. (he was fully potty trained while we were in Buglaria...not so much since we have been home) Simon is just sort of a guessing game, all the time. Simon can't communicate with us, at least not in a way that we understand. So that means that we are trying to read between the lines, but not too hard. We try to give him space, but not too much. We want him to eat, but not force him too much. We want to be challenging him, but not too much. And lastly, we want him to get medical care.....but not too much! (see a pattern here?)

I read A LOT of blogs while preparing to bring this little boy home. I paid attention to struggles and victories and I tried to mentally note what worked for Pleven kids and what didn't. Yes, we did all of the adoption trainings but those trainings weren't tailored made for kids this neglected. However, thanks to the miracle of the internet, I was able to be in touch with people who were ahead of me in this game. In a lot of ways, the blessing that they were to me is the reason that I am still blogging about my journey. I know how much it helped me...so I really do hope that our victories AND our struggles will help others.

All in all, I try to keep myself focused on the fact that things have really been going very well, all in all. Simon has been eating. Yes, we have had some days where it was hard. YES, it takes 1.5 to 2 hours per feeding BUT we are getting him a little over 1,000 calories per day. (we had a goal of 1500 before and the pediatrician's office did some research and told us to back off ) Due to Ishmael's first months of life, where I felt that I was forced to go in and have him weighed, repeatedly to test my milk supply, I am a bit touchy about doing weekly weigh-ins. HOWEVER, we took him yesterday for a weigh in one week after his last and he was at 21 pounds and 5 ounces. (last week he was a little heavier, however he had not been pooping at that point...so I am NOT worried in the least :)...see glass half full!!!)

What are we feeding him you might ask? Well, I made him 2 mixes for today...
1- banana
1-avocado
1- a little organic packet of apple mix (a sample that my neighbor gave me)
1/3 cup coconut milk
3 scoops specialized formula (for all his vitamin needs)*
1/2 scoop of chocolate flavored whey protein powder**
This mix had over 700 calories

2- peaches
3 scoops formula
1 Tablespoon coconut oil
water
This mix had around 300 (I don't have my notebook, I might not have listed something)

While it is a guessing game with Simon, and this might change, this week I decided that he likes to have at least 2 different tastes in each meal. So I have both dishes going at once but he has ALL day to get them down. I also think, that he likes to have one dish a little thicker and the other a little thiner. He also seems to eat well if you shovel in 3 bites of the thicker stuff and then wait for a while for him to clear it. (he still holds food in his mouth). The more watery stuff, I hold the dish under his chin and shovel that in until his mouth seems fullish, then move it out of the way of his arms. Simon's active arms making feeding time a bit of an Olympic event. You have to time it just right, read in his eyes whether or not he is going to open his mouth or smack the food away, spilling it all over, if you aren't quick. My hubby has taken to saying, "open" and has had success that way. I have been trying not to get to aggressive about holding his arms down or forcing food in, if he doesn't seem to be eating much anymore, I let him lay down for a bit, and then try again. We have ALL DAY anyways right? :)

*we were using a nutritional supplement called SP complete, however it seemed to really taste like vitamins. When he had a slow day eating, we switched back to the formula....I hope to work it back in on a smaller scale soon.
**we were using much more than this and his gas was so horrible, that we backed off, this yesterday he didn't have any bad gas at all, we will see what today brings to decide if we keep using it.

So the first week we had Simon we noticed that his stomach was really hard and large. I had originally thought it was because he was not having bowel movements, however, after we gave him a suppository, his stomach was still hard. Huh, then eureka, he had a HUGE burp, actually several, then his stomach went down. So my hypothesis was that he had gotten used to swallowing air because he wasn't getting fed enough... So, we have been trying to help him burp, but it doesn't seem to be as simple as just patting his back, although I still do it at times. I have found that when I put him in the boba carrier he seems to let it all out. He burps and passes gas. (I am sorry to everyone in our section of the church on sunday, I promise you, we have modified his diet, I am hopefully it won't be so stinky next week!) So I have wondered if it is because he relaxes??? He has also burped loudly in the car several times (he likes car rides), sometimes I will lay him down and then sit him up over and over and that helps him get the burps out as well. That is all we are doing to deal with this "problem" at this time. I am hopeful that he will stop swallowing air once he knows that he will always have food from here on out. And if not, I am sure that is something a therapist would love to help us with....once we allow them into our lives.

Yes, we are trying to take things slow. We figure that Simon has been through enough in his little life, we don't need to overwhelm him with lots of doctors and experts probing him. We have been BLESSED to get to follow this "plan". We had his heart checked last Tuesday....we LOVED his doctor and this office. I referenced before that I had written them a letter to prepare them for Simon's arrive, and they were AWESOME!!! I had been worried that no one would read my letter but I was wrong. So many of the staff had also read our blog! AMAZING. Anyway, his heart was repaired well...praise the Lord. We don't really have to worry about it until later...so that was good news. Sad that we won't need to go into that office very often, but we are also glad that we don't need to rush him into surgery. We do hope to get him a MRI of his heart, in about 5-6 months. Once we had this news, we knew that if we could keep him eating, medical interventions could be kept at a MINIMUM!! (my favorite level!)

He saw his pediatrician and she has been working to contact Katie Musser's doctors (Katie was adopted from the same orphanage and came home at 9 years old and 9 pounds) to ask them some questions for us about our game plan. So that sounds good to me. Tomorrow he sees the dentist. I find myself VERY nervous but also hopeful that this will go really well. We are getting to see the dentist that has come HIGHLY recommended from other special needs moms and Simon's doctor....so I probably need to stop worrying but this is Simon's first time to the dentist, ever, in his nearly 9 years of life.

He has an appointment set up to see the eye doctor on the 24th. We really want his right eye examined as it is cloudy....we are very interested to know what he can actually see out of it and if they would like to do surgery on it. (his left eye was operated on in Bulgaria)

I am guessing that both these doctors will want to put Simon under and I really am praying that we can put him under once and get both procedures done!

After we recover from those visits, we hope to get him a full body x-ray. Call me paranoid, but I want it documented if he has had any broken bones. (I do not want to EVER be dealing with CPS, so if a severely neglected child is going to live at my house, his condition is going to be DOCUMENTED!!) Also, we were told that the Dexa scan, to test bone density won't be ordered unless the x-ray shows that we need it. (I will need to research this...because I don't know much about that....if your child had a x-ray and then a Dexa scan, please let me know!) So whatever steps we need to do. I just know that Katie M gets iv treatments to help her bones and if Simon needs that to help him grow I want to know. I also want to know how careful we need to be with SImon. He looks pretty breakable....is he?

Well I think that has caught you up and I want some leisure time before I return home. (I was blessed with some time away, a friend came to play with Ishmael and Jon took Simon, so I went out for coffee!) Sorry no coffee this time. But next post might feature Simon's before picture and his stats, I will try to throw in a happy picture too, because the before picture is hard to see.

We are very very thankful for all the encouraging words and meals! THANK YOU!!!

Our Welcome Home

This is a catch up post.  I wanted to show you the wonderful welcome we received when we pulled up to our house.  Special thanks goes out to our community and also to a new community of friends in Indiana, ones we have never met. THANK YOU to Toria and her friends, who supported our adoption fundraising in amazing ways and sent us this HUGE sign to welcome Simon home.  It is still hanging outside our house.  You can see it from a very busy street and I have already had many wonderful comments about it!  It will be sad when we finally have to take it down!

Madi and Ishmael were very excited to see one another!

Daddy, getting Simon out of the car

We were trying to get a good family photo in front of the sign...but we failed!

here is a look at community...everybody came outside, the neighbors came over and we hung out and stared at Simon :)

Daniel was VERY excited to have his photo taken

IT felt good to be home with our peeps, and even better having all our luggage carried in by other people!  I LOVE community!

the entryway was all decorated

community wipe board had our names!

each wall on the way up to our apartment had pictures from our trip.

and sayings for us to celebrate!

Mickie and all the other kids drew Simon and Ishmael and us pictures...I will save those!

Welcome to the BOLIVAR HOUSE!!  Welcome HOME!

we first made this sign for Sam's homecoming, I don't feel it as much as I used to, so that is really good.  

They even framed some photos for us!

and gave us balloons and flowers.  The last thing they did which was not pictured was clean our place and fill our fridge with food.  THANK YOU to our community.  Have I mentioned I LOVE living in community? :)

Madi holds Simon for the first time.  Meet our favorite babysitter!

The boys got cuddly on the couch

Stuff about Simon

So things have been going pretty well for us over here.  My 3 year old is trying to adjust to having a brother.  He seems to like Simon, he says so, he also says that Simon is cute, however he doesn't seem to like my hubby and I much anymore.  We have been having some behavioral problems that are a mix of "terrible threes" and the "my parents brought another kid home" blues.  We are trying to handle it with humor, and sadly, lots of time outs.  We have been trying to going on one on one outings with Ishmael when we can, today Jon and Ishmael went to a baseball game and Simon and I had some one on one time.

We enjoyed a brunch at Grandma's house and then went home.  He had a very nice bath, followed by a massage.  He seemed to really enjoy it.  Yesterday we found out that he doesn't have any parasites so I broke out the cloth diapers!  I decided I should try to get some videos of Simon up on this blog.  As we hung out with my friend Lynette, in between feedings, I took some videos of Simon for your enjoyment.


When we picked up Simon from the orphanage, we were surprised when he started cooing in the van.  Since then he has been making more and more sounds.  We are very proud! Here is a video of Simon chatting.

I don't know if you can tell in this video but while it is a challenge for me to brush his teeth, Simon laughs while I brush them.  It makes the fact I have to hold his arms down a little easier when he is cracking up the whole time.  (he goes the the dentist this Friday so I am hoping they might give me some pointers, and get the back sides clean, as I can't seem to do that)

Speaking of his hands, Simon is the king of arm movements.  Here are some poses that I caught on camera. I remember my friend's dad teaching me how to do the fready dance, Simon has his own dance:

Ah my head move

just snap your fingers like this

then play the air maracas 

Keep shaking them

oh, were you looking at me?

to be a dancer you MUST take the moves seriously!

Here is a picture of Jon with his TWO boys.  Ishmael, age 3 on the left and Simon, age 8 on the right.