Verbal Referral, my hope restored!

I have been a little blog silent lately, I apologize for this is a rough season at our house. I was just going to compose a blog that explained that right now I am just waiting for word from Bulgaria but then today I did get word from Bulgaria!!

But before I share more about that I just wanted to share the results of the online auction. I was blown away to hear that our total amount raised was right around 2,400.00!!! God is so good. It was also a blessing to hear that more new people were brought to the auction than ever before!! I was very blessed to hear that because I have hoped that with every fundraiser I could raise awareness about not only Simon, but the other children waiting in his orphanage and in orphanages across eastern Europe! So with a thank you to the Lincoln Journal Star, for allowing us to post information in the paper, and to facebook, who has allowed this fundraiser to include my friends around the world, across the united states and across my life, elementary school friends, high school friends, work friends, study abroad friends, youth group friends, church friends and neighbors. I have been amazed at how many old friends and current friends have come out of the woodwork to support my campaign to bring Simon home. THANK YOU ALL!!! I means so much to have your kind words of support and of course, your donations. I have been amazed at each and every penny!!

Okay, so the news from Bulgaria. Well, we have our "verbal referral". What is that you might ask? Oddly, up until Wednesday of this week I had no idea what that was either! Well here is the process, my dossier was sent to Bulgaria, my lovely and talented lawyer translated it and then submitted it to the Minister of Justice (MOJ). We have been waiting for the MOJ to process it, like we waited for the United States Center for Immigration Services (USCIS) to process it before it went to Bulgaria. Apparently the MOJ's approval is a 2 part process. Step one is their "verbal referral" and then step 2 is the "written referral" and along with that comes, the long awaited, TRAVEL DATES for trip 1 to meet Simon.

Now, on Wednesday I was introduced to this whole process by reading about it on another adoptive mom's blog (thank you again!). Her list was complete with dates. Her process showed that from after receiving the verbal referral she waited 2-3 weeks for her written referral to come. When my lawyer told us that we had our verbal she said that the MOJ is trying to get our written referral done by the end of NEXT WEEK!! Miracle of miracles, please pray with me that we do get that written referral next week!

In the end of December I read a status of another adoptive mom that said, "I have been praying that I would have travel dates by the end of this month and the Lord provided!" And I thought, wait a second, should I be praying like that??? Is it really that simple? So I thought what the heck, I threw out all logic, and started to walk through this process with as much faith as I could muster, and for the days I didn't have it I started praying that God would "help my unbelief". I was amazed that every time I was handed a roadblock I took it with stride, or I just didn't believe it was a problem. Which can be a little risky I realize :)

Last week as I was finishing off, resubmitting something, I asked my agency again when they thought I might travel and I was told, "well it looks like you might be traveling as soon as April but maybe May. (If you have noticed any flyers I have handed out or talked to me in the last 2 months you know I have been saying that we would travel in March and have our son home in June) So when she said these words I was like, no, no, we should travel in March. Right then I thought about it and realized that they have sort of been saying April and May all along, I am the one who thought up March and decided that would be the time. And if you know much about international adoption, you know the adoptive mom does NOT set the dates :) So at this point my faith was slightly shaken, I thought, well that was silly, they never told you March, you have no reason to think you will travel in March. But then I thought, well so what? I am praying for March, I know that it will happen in the Lord's timing but is it so bad to ask that the Lord's timing is March? I figure, no way, He has provided every penny for this adoption, He wants to bring Simon into our home. I will ask Him to help that happen as soon as possible and anytime a roadblock comes, I can smile and think, I can't wait to see how you bring us out of this one Jesus!

I am very, very excited to get those dates! Please keep praying with me that they come soon! I would LOVE to tell you that we will be traveling in March :) But, either way, I will be excited to go see my son whenever the Lord decides to grant it.

Online Auction Day 2

I have been pouring over our hidden treasures online auction today. I just wanted to say I am so humbled and thankful for every item that was donated to our auction. It amazes me to see so many strangers working to help bring kids from Simon's orphanage home. Wow, what a blessing. I am also drawn to tears as I see bids from family members and friends who live all over the country. I am equally humbled when other adoptive moms bid on items. What a great community the Lord has given us to help us bring our son home!

I am feeling the love today friends!

Here is a link to a page that shows photos of all the items.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/p/auction-easy-links.html?m=1

I personally like to use this link and because I can see which items have bids, then I just keep pushing the right bottom arrow when I get to the end of the screen to see more items on the next page.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/?m=1

Happy hunting, there are so many wonderful items to bid on and right now the bids are low...who knows you could score a very expensive item at a very low cost.

Thank you all so much for supporting our adoption. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!

A different kind of waiting....grief.

Hey don't forget to visit our online auction. It started today and will run through the 7th of Feburary, my birthday actually, so maybe you should get me a gift off the auction :) (just kidding).

so click on the link and shop for Simon's adoption. Please spread the word.
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com/?m=1

Okay, here is my blog for today, please be forewarned this is extremely griefy. If you don't want to cry, don't read any further. (warning to family members and perhaps to mothers who have lost children, anyone who has lost anyone)

The Lord gives His people strength, the Lord blesses them with peace. Ps 29:11

I was introduced to John Mark McMillion by a friend of mine who showed me his song, "how he loves us" because in the original recording John cries at the end. He wrote the song in response to the loss of a close friend of his. I found this fact both comforting and terribly disturbing...because I went through a traumatic loss of a loved one and I didn't turn to the Lord and write a song about how much he "loves us". My words to the Lord were mostly ones of anger, and betrayal, I questioned the why and the how could you? It wasn't until last week that a friend of mine told me that there were many more verses to that song that were never put out because they were just verses where John Mark was trying to get his feelings out to the Lord about his loss. I felt much better after I heard that, yes, this artist is a human, and I am perhaps not such a horrible person.

This morning I had a close friend tell me she was trying to be strong, trying to not break down because she knew that was what she was "supposed to do as a believer". It saddens me that we think that way sometimes. Just because we believe in Jesus, doesn't mean that we are not subject to the pain and loss of this world. It also doesn't mean that when faced with the pain and the loss we can't break down. I reminded her about David, who in his Psalms is very free to say, "where the heck are you God? Why have you left me? There are people after me, trying to kill me, why are you silent?" (Anna's paraphrase) That sounds like someone going through something to me. :)

When we were trying to commit to Simon, my husband and I were really struggling. We were struggling through adopting a child that might bring severe heartache into our lives and into the lives of our family members that had already been through too much. Yes, he could bring joy but he could also bring loss. But in reality loving anyone in your life will end in loss. That is a hard truth. You can believe in heaven and still, when you lose someone you love, it is hard. It is too painful.

The thing about Heaven is, it is far away. Yes, yes there are those verses about the kingdom of God being right here, but there is a pretty big veil between us and those who are not on this earth anymore. Bulgaria is far away. I am waiting for permission to go there, to meet my son. Then I will leave him behind....only to come home and wait again. These waiting periods seem so long. But in reality they aren't THAT long. I know that at some point this year I will see Simon and hopefully at some point this year I will bring him home, Lord willing. But, some mothers don't know when they will see their children again. I have been thinking about myself as a mother, as a mother of a child who is so far away, but then I think about the mothers who are even farther from their children, whose children are beyond the veil of what we can see. I am so sorry. I can only imagine your pain and even this imagination hurts me, deeply. I hope that I never have to live on this earth without either of my sons....but the reality is, it doesn't matter that I believe in Jesus, this is something that I might have to face. It is not the death that I am afraid of, it is the loss, it is the separation.

On this day, 3 years ago, my husband's family and I waited in the hospital. We had been waiting in the hospital for days, since the 21st of January actually. At this point we had been through 2 surgeries. We had been through many nights, hoping that David would wake up, many nights of them slowing down his sedation to "wake him up" but then deciding not to because he was too agitated. We had spent days waiting for a stint to come and then watched it fail. I don't remember everything exactly. Just mostly the feelings. The feeling of disbelief that this was happening. The tiredness, the sadness, the fear, the helplessness, the frustrations, the days and nights of 12 plus people living in a waiting room. Puzzles, games, books, totes packed full of snacks, food being delivered to us, taking turns sitting in his room, being told to turn the Sigur Ros down because it was "stimulating" David, reading the notes of those on the day-watch, trying to stay positive while others felt defeated. Filling his walls with posters of some of his favorite people with encouraging sayings, like, Eddie Vedder saying, "I can't find a better man". Then, 3 years ago, 7 days from now, one day after my birthday, on February 8th, David died. We did have a few days with him, a few days when they had him up and around. Enough time to tell him that I was pregnant with a boy, but not "enough time" to say our goodbyes. There is never enough time here on earth to be with those you love.

This is why I have told people that I don't know how this whole adoption will turn out, because we serve a "scary" God. Some don't like me saying that, some don't like to hear that I trust him but it doesn't mean that I trust him to do what I think is best. He is beyond what I can understand, He allows things that I wouldn't, He answers no when you think His answer would be yes. LIke, "please God let my son live". This is not to say that He isn't good. But good isn't always safe and it doesn't mean that it won't hurt. God has provided so much for this adoption. I am amazed at what He has done. But there is a part of me that knows, this is HIS thing, He is saving children in this orphanage for His glory. And I, little old me, don't have any idea what that looks like. I have no guarantees...I have hope, I have peace, and I can have comfort in the Lord. I know the Lord will provide for us, what we need. But I have NO IDEA what how this will turn out.

This week has been hard, we have been praying for many surgeries and procedures. I have been haunted by memories by past grief mingling with new grief. Because the closer I get, the harder it is for me to keep my growing love for Simon distant. After we sent our paperwork, we realized things seem much more "real" now. If I was to compare it to a pregnancy, it seems like I am starting to show and the baby is kicking. Yes, this is real, there is really a life growing in me, there is no turning back. Or for me now, yes, this is real, I am really going to go to Bulgaria to meet....my son.

I don't know how to end this post, to give you hope, I can't tell you there won't be suffering in your world. But take heart, Jesus overcame the world. There is life after death, and loss. You will learn to breath again...it will be really hard at first....but it will come. And somewhere behind the veil, your loved one is waiting, with all the answers to your why questions, with all the healing you prayed for and with all the understanding of Jesus and his power and love. (Sometimes we want to switch them spots don't we?) But while we wait here....we will do our best to love others, to help them heal and to inspire those around us to live lives that make a difference.

We miss you David, but we are trying to live like you did, taking full advantage of everyday, to spend time with people, to always help others and to live so cheaply we can be in semi-retirement in our 30s. Because who the heck cares if we drive nice cars and live in fancy houses if we don't have time to spend with our family?

We love you still.

D is for Dossier Day!!: A photo adventure!

It was been a wonderful adoption week!  On Tuesday someone from the USCIS said that they would expedite our immigration approval for adoption and then on Wednesday they wrote me back to say that they had completed processing our application. We were approved!

I was so excited, I emailed my agency to say I was approved and that I just needed to wait for the notice to come in the mail.  Within 10 min I got a phone call from them saying, you don't need to wait just print off the copy they emailed you!!  This approval was the last thing I needed before I could submit my dossier (which is the last step before we get our first travel dates.)  My agency and i had been working over the last 2 weeks to make sure I had everything else gathered and notarized (thank you Sarah!!).  So last night Sarah notarized the cover sheet for the immigration approval and I organized everything I needed to get apostiled.  It kind of felt like the night before the first day of school...I packed Ishmael's diaper bag and backpack and paper clipped all my papers together.  Checking a few times to make sure I had everything!

But as excited as I was the night before, i didn't sleep well so Ishmael and I got off to a late start.  We had a crazy day, which I documented with photos, but NOTHING could waylay my joy and excitement in getting to get this documents sent!

Before we left I went upstairs and had Deb take a picture of Ishmael and I, all ready to go with our documents in hand.

Then we drove to the capital building, so we could visit the notary office where they would appostile our documents (basically put an official state of nebraska seal on them).  We circled quite a few times before we got a parking spot.  Here Ishmael is, we are happy and parked.

Here is Ishmael climbing up the steps to the capital building.

Here is another view of the building so you can see the sower on top!

Once inside, we ran into our friend Darren, which was a huge blessing, he played with Ishmael while I was told 2 of my documents would not work :(.  But like I said, NOTHING could stop by joy or excitement of being at the point of mailing these documents!!!  The woman was really nice and helpful, she wasn't as hopeful as I was that EVERYTHING was going to work out just fine and I was going to mail off my documents today!  She told me that if she couldn't get ahold of the right person, I might have to wait until Feb 2, to which I said, I can't do that and low and behold, she made a phone call to the county clerks office and the person she needed was there!  So Ishmael and I left her with our documents and walked over to the state building to get a replacement license for my home-study agency.  

This counter was just Ishmael's height!  (At the department of Health and Human services, this woman is calling the person that needs to come help us.)  So we hung out in the hall and waited...and took some photos and played with toys.  Ishmael did a great job.  We even ran into an old friend of mine from junior high! (what a fun day!)

 
















With the new document in hand we headed out of the state building to walk back to the capital.  We walked past the scooters and I bought Ishmael a chocolate milk.  I told him we couldn't have it until we got back to the capital.  
We had fun walking and even worked on counting, by

counting the steps we took up all the flights of stairs!  Once we walked inside Ishmael asked for his "bilk" what a smart boy, he didn't forget for a second!  I made a wrong turn and we ended up in the touristy part of the capital so I let Ishmael walk around drinking his Milk and i took some photos.

Then we went back to the notary office.  I was very happy that the woman had not left for lunch as it was close to 1230.  We gave her our new form and I paid for all the apostles. (I feel blessed apostiles in our state are only 10.00 per item...I have heard some states can be almost 50!)

Ishmael was very tired of waiting....he took off his boots and his socks and was starting to run around :)

But then she gave me my documents, here they are, I starting laying them out on the counter but ran out of space...so I just piled the rest on top.

I got Ishmael to put on all his clothes and his coat and backpack, again, and we started to walk out.  I treated us to a lunch in the capital cafeteria.  (I apologize that I didn't get a picture of that.  We split the special which was fried chicken (boneless) mashed potatoes and corn.  MMM.)  Next we went to Office Max to fed-ex the "dossier" to my agency, where they will add some of their own documents and send it off to Bulgaria!

Ishmael got bored and played by the carts!

And here it is the culmination of months and months of paperwork, meetings, notarizing, doctors visits, employer references, personal references, fingerprints, fingerprints, more fingerprints, background check, another background check, another copy of the same background check, visiting the court house, the state building, immigration services and the capital and here I am holding it, the holy grail, the DOSSIER!!!!!!

The long overdue pancake feed thank you!

Well it has been a week since the pancake feed.  I don't know why it has taken me so long to tell you what a wonderful day it was!  I felt like I was at my wedding because I was able to see so many friends from different parts of my life all in one place.  I really enjoyed getting to walk around and talk to everyone.  I THINK I only missed getting to talk to one family.  I also met a few people for the first time which I thought was really cool.  I learned that there are people following  our blog that I have never met....what a blessing to know that more people have been moved by Simon's story than just my friend group.  It was a huge blessing to see friends that we hadn't seen for years.  The food was pretty good too!

My friend Andrea had the idea to throw us a pancake feed and she did a wonderful job.  Her whole family helped out which was very cool because Andrea and I grew up going to church together as children...so it warmed my heart to have her family involved.  She made us a nice bucket to collect money and collect donations we did....the total from the event was $1740.57.  Now, the change was important as I learned that one little boy was told about Simon before he came to the pancake feed with his family so he got his piggy bank and emptied it out for our son.  That story warmed my soul.

 

So thank you EVERYONE who helped get things set up for this event and EVERYONE else for coming out to it.  It was great seeing you there.  I feel very blessed to have so many people that care about orphans, adoption and our family.  I really can't say that enough, I believe that we have been placed in the community we are in, for this time and for this adoption.  We wouldn't be able to do this without the support of generous friends and family members.  THANK YOU.  Thank you for being a blessing to our family and to our son.

Please keep praying for Simon.  Please pray also for the other children in his orphanage to find families and for the children that do have familes that they will make it home into their new mother's arms.

Here are some pictures from the pancake feed.

Andrea and Ben and Kasey and others enjoying the festivities 

Thank you ladies for having fun while helping out!

And here is the crew.  Thank you SO MUCH.  You did a great job and you looked so good doing it!

It's Not Just About the Money

I have been writing thank you notes lately to all of those who have been supporting our adoption financially. I am a little late in starting, so if you haven't gotten one yet....please know that I appreciate your gift and you will get a thank you (If you don't, I am so sorry and I do thank you!).

I try to convey in these notes how much a donation to our adoption means. And it isn't really just about the money, because the donation says so much more. I don't think I can really express everything it says to me. I try to wrap it up in one word called "support." But I would like to take the time to list the words your donations have spoken into my heart:

we believe in you,
we love your son,
we love you,
we don't think you are crazy,
we love what you are doing,
we want to be a part of your adventure,
the stories of these children have touched our hearts.
we are praying for you.

These are also wonderful words of encouragement to my soul. My well is emotionally dry right now. I can't seem to weep anymore, unless I am standing in front of my church :), but I love to hear that others still do. I am awed again when my words, when the stories from this orphanage shock someone into action; when words of the horrible truth strike their hearts and bring tears to their eyes, I am comforted. It's relieving to know that I am not alone, that I am not the only one who is carrying this burden. There are more people every day who are broken for the orphans of the world. It makes my brokenness seem appropriate, valid and right because others are feeling it too. So your donation also says,

you are not alone,
we are here with you,
the Lord has heard you,
He is for you,
we are with you,
you are not alone.
Simon will not be forsaken.
Your pain matters.
His hurt matters.
HIS LIFE MATTERS.

The outpouring of financial gifts has meant so much to us. But kind words and broken hearts mean so much as well. Some of the sweetest, small gifts have blessed me as much as the large ones. It has reminded me that we give out of what we have. I had a couple different experiences this week when people emptied their pockets after I told them about Simon. They just gave me all that they had. It touched me, deeply.

I have friends who are helping me raise this money. My friends Ben and Andrea are throwing a pancake feed this weekend to fundraise for us. It will be held at the Northern Lighthouse Church (6131 N. 14th St) from 10am to 1pm. Please come out if you live around Lincoln and eat some pancakes and throw some money in the bucket for Simon.

If you don't live around Lincoln, we have some new friends that are helping us with an online auction. From February 1st through the 7th you can go online and bid on items and all the money will go toward our adoption. Here is the website: treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com
(They will be referring to Simon as Peyton because that was his name on Reece's Rainbow).

Thanks, friends and when I say thanks I mean, I love you and appreciate your hearts so much!

by faith

I have spent a few days thinking about our adoption process through the lens of hebrews 11. I do not pretend that my experience is something to compare to the great men and women of faith in the word but I am hoping that this exercise will help my faith. So here goes....here is our adoption "by faith".

"Now faith is confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

It was by faith, when we learned the truth of the condition of children left in their cribs, that we said we would adopt.

By faith we poured over files of children we could have loved and selected our son. By faith we believe that those we are leaving behind will also find their families. (oh God please help my unbelief)

By faith we faced our fears of pain, heartache, inadequacy, financial ruin, relational loss And said yes to tenaciously pursuing the adoption of a child who may or may not love us back. By faith we agree to love a child we have never met regardless of the condition of his mind, his ability to ever talk, walk, or gain independence from us because we have no idea what he can or will do.

By faith we believe love can heal his broken body. By faith we say, whatever time we are given with Simon is a gift.

By faith we trust the lord to provide for us financially to both adopt and also to care for this child's medical needs. We trust that the Lord will continue to provide us with emotional support through the believers around us, both family and friends.

For it was by faith that believers before me brought children home and began to watch them be healed by the Lord and by their love. It was by faith that Susana brought Katie home. It was by faith Stephanie brought Lina home. It was by faith that Grace brought Samantha home. It was by faith that Elizabeth and Tom brought Noah, Moses and Jacob into their family. It is by faith that those who have been adopted into God's family reach out to bring the lonely, broken, unloved, forgotten children of the world into their family. Through faith these believers continue to trust the Lord to provide for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. By faith they watch the Lord bring love, peace, goodness, patience and wholeness into not only their homes but into their children's hearts.


By faith I trust the Lord to help mend and maintain relationships that are strained and tested by our radical obedience to adopt a special needs child. By faith I believe he will make all things new.


By faith I believe Simon is my son. By faith I pray that we will one day meet him face to face. Oh how we long to bring him home. By faith we believe God has called him into our family, by faith his brother waits to meet him, to dance with him and play catch with him.


By faith we believe this process will not bring our family to shame nor break our home. By faith we hope to show those that doubt this process that God is in it. That God is for us...and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.


Mark 9:24 I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief.

Oh God.....please help my unbelief.