It's Not Just About the Money

I have been writing thank you notes lately to all of those who have been supporting our adoption financially. I am a little late in starting, so if you haven't gotten one yet....please know that I appreciate your gift and you will get a thank you (If you don't, I am so sorry and I do thank you!).

I try to convey in these notes how much a donation to our adoption means. And it isn't really just about the money, because the donation says so much more. I don't think I can really express everything it says to me. I try to wrap it up in one word called "support." But I would like to take the time to list the words your donations have spoken into my heart:

we believe in you,
we love your son,
we love you,
we don't think you are crazy,
we love what you are doing,
we want to be a part of your adventure,
the stories of these children have touched our hearts.
we are praying for you.

These are also wonderful words of encouragement to my soul. My well is emotionally dry right now. I can't seem to weep anymore, unless I am standing in front of my church :), but I love to hear that others still do. I am awed again when my words, when the stories from this orphanage shock someone into action; when words of the horrible truth strike their hearts and bring tears to their eyes, I am comforted. It's relieving to know that I am not alone, that I am not the only one who is carrying this burden. There are more people every day who are broken for the orphans of the world. It makes my brokenness seem appropriate, valid and right because others are feeling it too. So your donation also says,

you are not alone,
we are here with you,
the Lord has heard you,
He is for you,
we are with you,
you are not alone.
Simon will not be forsaken.
Your pain matters.
His hurt matters.
HIS LIFE MATTERS.

The outpouring of financial gifts has meant so much to us. But kind words and broken hearts mean so much as well. Some of the sweetest, small gifts have blessed me as much as the large ones. It has reminded me that we give out of what we have. I had a couple different experiences this week when people emptied their pockets after I told them about Simon. They just gave me all that they had. It touched me, deeply.

I have friends who are helping me raise this money. My friends Ben and Andrea are throwing a pancake feed this weekend to fundraise for us. It will be held at the Northern Lighthouse Church (6131 N. 14th St) from 10am to 1pm. Please come out if you live around Lincoln and eat some pancakes and throw some money in the bucket for Simon.

If you don't live around Lincoln, we have some new friends that are helping us with an online auction. From February 1st through the 7th you can go online and bid on items and all the money will go toward our adoption. Here is the website: treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com
(They will be referring to Simon as Peyton because that was his name on Reece's Rainbow).

Thanks, friends and when I say thanks I mean, I love you and appreciate your hearts so much!

by faith

I have spent a few days thinking about our adoption process through the lens of hebrews 11. I do not pretend that my experience is something to compare to the great men and women of faith in the word but I am hoping that this exercise will help my faith. So here goes....here is our adoption "by faith".

"Now faith is confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

It was by faith, when we learned the truth of the condition of children left in their cribs, that we said we would adopt.

By faith we poured over files of children we could have loved and selected our son. By faith we believe that those we are leaving behind will also find their families. (oh God please help my unbelief)

By faith we faced our fears of pain, heartache, inadequacy, financial ruin, relational loss And said yes to tenaciously pursuing the adoption of a child who may or may not love us back. By faith we agree to love a child we have never met regardless of the condition of his mind, his ability to ever talk, walk, or gain independence from us because we have no idea what he can or will do.

By faith we believe love can heal his broken body. By faith we say, whatever time we are given with Simon is a gift.

By faith we trust the lord to provide for us financially to both adopt and also to care for this child's medical needs. We trust that the Lord will continue to provide us with emotional support through the believers around us, both family and friends.

For it was by faith that believers before me brought children home and began to watch them be healed by the Lord and by their love. It was by faith that Susana brought Katie home. It was by faith Stephanie brought Lina home. It was by faith that Grace brought Samantha home. It was by faith that Elizabeth and Tom brought Noah, Moses and Jacob into their family. It is by faith that those who have been adopted into God's family reach out to bring the lonely, broken, unloved, forgotten children of the world into their family. Through faith these believers continue to trust the Lord to provide for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. By faith they watch the Lord bring love, peace, goodness, patience and wholeness into not only their homes but into their children's hearts.


By faith I trust the Lord to help mend and maintain relationships that are strained and tested by our radical obedience to adopt a special needs child. By faith I believe he will make all things new.


By faith I believe Simon is my son. By faith I pray that we will one day meet him face to face. Oh how we long to bring him home. By faith we believe God has called him into our family, by faith his brother waits to meet him, to dance with him and play catch with him.


By faith we believe this process will not bring our family to shame nor break our home. By faith we hope to show those that doubt this process that God is in it. That God is for us...and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.


Mark 9:24 I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief.

Oh God.....please help my unbelief.

While we wait.

Waiting. Waiting is hard because when you are waiting most times you have no control. You don't know when the waiting will be over. Sometimes it is hard to keep yourself focused while you wait. For me and this adoption is it also hard for me to keep myself relaxed while I wait. There has been so much to do initially with paperwork and meetings and appointments to get the home-study done. So much busyness getting the commitment documents notarized and apolstilled and checks mailed that now, I feel like I am just twiddling my thumbs. I have been working on my thank-you notes and we had tons to do over christmas, and today and yesterday I have been attacking the ice that plagues our parking lot but as far as the adoption, mostly I just wait.

People keep asking how the adoption is going or what is going on with it and I really don't have much to say right now. I always say the fundraising is going really well....because it is. I think I might be at the point of really believing God is going to pull this whole thing off. I guess it takes about 13,000.00 for me to get to that point :) I didn't do much "fundrasing" this christmas, it was mostly just walking through open doors to talk about my adoption and watching as the Lord opened hearts and handed us money. It is really an amazing thing to watch people's hearts break for something that has broken your own heart and something that clearly breaks God's heart.

So where are we in the process? Well we have mailed off our home-study and other paperwork to the USCIS. (United States Center for Immigration Services) along with an 890.00 check :) They have cashed it so I am hoping that means they are working on our documents?? Normally this process can take between 60 and 90 days. When I mailed my documents in my agency, Lifeline, said that other parents had been hearing back sooner rather than later. I also requested that it be expedited, and a picture of Simon along with his age and weight should help them see my urgency. They will send us a request for us to go to Omaha to get fingerprinted while they are processing our paperwork and after we get that done our agency will help us finish up our dossier documents. After our dossier gets to Bulgaria, gets translated and gets through the legal system there we will get our first travel dates.

While waiting I have taken to Facebook--I watch the other moms' statuses in the Reece's Rainbow group and another group specific to special needs adoptions in Bulgaria. I also look for blogs to read from families that are already home. I pour over my favorite blogs from parents who have children home from Pleven. I take comfort and joy in cyber-ly surrounding myself with others who are going through or have gone through the same process. But there is a delicate balance. I have to watch my emotions carefully. As I try to fill my Simon void online, I still have to function as a mother, a wife, a business manager, a worship leader and a community dweller.

There are moments when I am keenly aware of the pent up sadness inside of me. I have wondered if I need to apologize to my church because each time I lead worship I end up bawling and sometimes I am unable to sing. Often when I am driving with just Ishmael in the car I will begin to tear up. These seem to be times when either my emotional guard goes down or my spirit is so powerful that is overcomes the wall I have around my emotions. This is also a delicate balance, I should probably let myself have more emotional breakdowns. I should probably allow myself to think about Simon in his crib sometimes; however right now there is nothing I can do to get him out of that crib but pray. Can I have urgency without being an emotional wreck? Well, I am trying.

I was at a concert once and ran into an old acquaintance; it took me a minute but then I remembered how we knew one another. I asked him about our mutual friend, and while smiling, he said that he got sick and died. I said, "are you serious?" And he said, "yes I am." Then I asked, "then why are you smiling" and he answered, "so that I won't cry". I didn't understand this until I also reached a point in my grief when I could talk about horrendous loss with the same "inappropriate" facial expression. I can very plainly and matter-of-factly speak about the horrors of children in abusive orphanages, of an 8 year old future son of mine who is 18 pounds. And I am sure people are taken aback. I forget how shocking the truth can be the first time you hear it. Because 7 months into this....it is just the truth...it is just how it is....I wish I could say it wasn't.

So while I wait, I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, for your words of support and for your monetary contributions. Having the support of others who also believe that we are doing God's will to bring an orphan into our home is huge. I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have the friends and family that I have in my life. This adoption has shown me how surrounded we are by believers from all churches in our city, who believe that the Lord loves the orphan, who believe that the will of God has no borders and who believe their money is God's money.

THANK YOU!!!!

lawn mowers and vacuums

The other day I was vacuuming the house and Ishmael (my 2 year old) wanted to help.  So I let him stand in front of me with his little hands on the vacuum and "help" me.  He wasn't a whole lot of help.  In fact I know that the whole thing took me twice as long.  But he was having a blast....and that was really what was important.  He got to feel like he was "mommy's little helper" and I got to see his face light up while doing house work!

It reminded me of that old saying about us believers working with God.  I have heard it said that God is like a man mowing the lawn who lets his child stand in front of him to "push the mower".  Now, I am not a fan of children around lawn mowers and for good reason! (for those of you who don't know my husband lost a leg in a lawn mower accident as a boy) However I do think the point of the story still stands. That when we think we are doing God's work and helping him "mow the lawn" God is doing all the work and He is just letting us help.  I think our call as believers is much simpler than we make it.  And in my case I tend to take too much responsibility upon myself to get the job done.

I have tried to keep this in mind with my fundraising for this adoption.  Bringing our little Simon home will cost around 22,000.00.  Which to me sounds like A LOT.  But I know that it isn't impossible for God.  He has made it clear time and time again. (we have raised 8,000.00 so far)  I know that HE is the one raising the money.  HE is the one guiding hearts to give of their extra income to help us bring Simon home.  The other day my friend, in response to a large sum of money coming in said, "see, now are you done worrying about fundraising?"  I wish I could confidently say, YES.  However I am still a sinner and I still struggle with the faith to move mountains. Which is really sad.  I am not the one driving this lawn mower, or vacuum....it is God.  So why do I try so hard to make it happen?

Every night I pray for Simon.  For his heart, for his mind and for our adoption.  But I also pray that God would "help my unbelief".  It is hard for me to give up control.  And an international adoption is not something where you ever really feel in control.  This is a good test for me and clearly a learning experience.  I wish that I would stop trying to push the lawn mower and just walk behind it, safe in the father's arms.   He must look down at me as I strive with all my might to make it go faster and think, "silly Anna, don't you know that I am in control?"

Please keep praying for our hearts.  I can't share it right now but we are trying to make some big decisions and we have hit some walls.  I don't know if these walls are another test in our faith in God's ability to move mountains or just God moving us in a new direction.  Thank you everyone who has supported us through giving, praying or just saying supportive things to us.  Your gifts are grand and they help us move forward, to follow the call of a God with a much bigger plan to love these orphans and bring them into family.

Here are the things that are going on right now that will help us in our fundraising:

1. there is a matching grant of 1,000.00 until the end of December.  We have 550.00 so far, so only 450.00 needs to be donated and we will have not 1,000.00 but 2,000.00 towards our adoption!!!!  You can bring in or mail donations to Trinity Chiropractic 3120 O street Lincoln Ne 68510.  Or donate on my blog (see chip in on right hand side...you pick, one with a tax deduction and one without....(please mail any large donations to either Reece's Rainbow or Trinity to keep paypal from taking a cut!)

2. Our dear friend Natalie, aunt of Grace's Samantha who came home from Simon's orphanage just a few months ago, is making BEAUTIFUL hair combs and jewelry.  Please see her blog for items you might like to purchase for yourself or for any lovely ladies on your Christmas list:  http://pricklythistlecreations.blogspot.com/

3. I have a few hats and some art for sale on my facebook page.  Click here to see the hats and here to see the art.  Thank you to my wonderful friends (Holly on the hats and Daniel on the art) who have created these masterpieces and donated them to my adoption.  

Thank you again for reading, praying and giving!!

Why we are fundraising

I am not a person that can ask for financial help easily, let's just get that information out there. I guess in some ways I am hoping people will want to help us because we aren't adding a child to our home for our own glory. Nor are we desiring to complete our perfect family unit.(not that adopting for that reason is wrong at ALL) I am not struggling with infertility as far as I know :)

We decided to adopt to save a child from life in an institution, one I first learned about through my friend Grace and through this blog.  http://theblessingofverity.com/ While my husband and I are trying to be as open as possible about finding the child we will adopt we have been moving toward adopting from this orphanage, the one the Bulgarian media call "Auschwitz" just a few months ago. We know there have been some improvements however the children in this orphanage still have a long way to go. I was overwhelmed just yesterday by the new pictures and descriptions of children just posted on Reece's Rainbow that are up for adoption from this institution. (you can see them by going to http://reecesrainbow.org/ in the search box type in #11 and you will be shown children from there)

I don't know what I can and can't share and perhaps this will all be removed later. I found these pictures on another person's blog that show the inside of this orphanage. I thought you might like to see them. Go here http://jamesonetwentyseven.weebly.com/adopting-from-bulgaria.html (these photos have been removed.  If you click on background of Simon's Orphanage on my page you will find some articles and pictures of conditions in pleven)

I also found this story on a different blog, while it is not about the place I visited, I really identified with how this mom felt about leaving these kids behind. http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2010/06/i-left-my-heart-there.html

Adopting from Bulgaria costs about 22,000.00 give or take a couple thousand, which when you are talking about this big of a number what is a couple thousand either way? I would LOVE to raise it all, however we are also willing to take out some loans as well.  Thanks so family and friends we have been able to raise over 7,000 which has taken us this far.  (We have paid off our home study and our commitment fees.  We have also made 2 agency fees!!)

So I am just hoping that if you feel so led you might want to be a part of helping us free an orphan from this institution by donating to our cause. There is a box in the top right hand corner of this page where you can donate through paypal. You could also mail us a check at 2740 R street Apt 2 Lincoln Ne 68503.  We also have a link to our Reece's rainbow family profile.  Your donation will be tax deductible if you donate through RR.  If you mail a check to RR we will get all of the money, there are fees if you use your credit card....sadly.

I did some math that I found interesting...Now we all now that not every friend of ours on facebook is really a "close friend". Especially if you have my personality or view facebook simply as a networking place :). I have 698 "friends" on facebook. If each of them donated 32.00 my adoption would be fully funded. Isn't that crazy???  (I posted this on my facebook page and had a little over 15 facebook friends send me 32.00 or more!!)

A Pleven Update

I wanted to share with you all an update on things at Simon's orphanage.  Many of you donated money when Grace and I went to there for diapers and formula.  We ended up having about $2,000 leftover and we donated it to the Pleven Fund for nurses to be staffed at the orphanage (on the 6th floor).  So some of you have contributed to the great things happening right now.  God is doing amazing things there.  Pray he will keep healing the children and that he will bring more adoptive families to take these kids home.

Here is the link:
http://theblessingofverity.com/2012/10/to-god-be-the-glory-pleven-update/

Here is the story copy and pasted from the blog link above.



Friends, may I present to you, with tears of joy, the latest and greatest update on the Pleven baby house, copied by permission from Shelley Bedford’s blog:

Last week, Toni, who is the director of the Bulgarian non-governmental organization responsible for overseeing the Pleven Medical Fund (PMF), went to Pleven to visit with the new director and to see, first hand, the changes that have taken place at the Pleven orphanage. I am very pleased to report that there have been MANY WONDERFUL CHANGES since Dr. Georgieva took over as the director of the orphanage. She is truly working for the good of the children and making a lot of very positive changes at the orphanage. She has a HUGE job ahead of her and she continues to need a lot of help to fund all the necessary projects that need to be completed to ensure that ALL of the children living at the orphanage in Pleven have all of their needs met. There are so many older children who suffered YEARS of neglect and the condition that they are in as a result of that won’t be fixed quickly.

Below is a report of some of the positive changes that have already happened, some of the changes that are in the process of happening and future projects that we will be seeking donations for:

Changes that have already been made:
1.) One of the first changes Dr. Georgieva made was to the kitchen staff. The entire staff was fired and replaced by a staff that would make feeding the children good quality food a priority. The glass beer bottles used to feed the children are GONE. The liquid mixtures of flour and low calorie liquids are GONE. The children are being fed high quality solid foods. All the children that are capable are being taught to eat from a spoon and they are fed foods with as thick of a texture as they can tolerate. The children who still require bottle feeding are fed while sitting upright and given time to digest their food. Their caloric intake has been increased to an acceptable amount needed so that they can grow and gain weight. GONE are the days of the children having a bottle shoved in their mouth while they were lying flat on their back. GONE are the days of the quick 2-3 minute feedings. The staff is required to take time feeding each child individually and this is monitored. How is it monitored? Well, that is the next positive change!

2.) Dr. Georgieva installed CAMERAS throughout the orphanage to monitor the staff’s interactions with the children. This allows her to watch the children being fed, how the staff is holding the children, how often diapers are being changed….and when staff members are sitting around chatting and not working with kids. All of this is being strictly monitored. As you can imagine, not everyone is happy about this change. There has been some staff turn over as Dr. Georgieva works to ensure that only people who truly want to be there caring for the children are on staff.

3.) All the children are having their diapers changed 5-6 times a day at a minimum. Again, this is monitored using the cameras and the director is holding the staff accountable for this as well. For those interested in donating money designated specifically for diapers, this can now be done through the PMF. The diapers will be purchased and given to the orphanage and an official donation receipt will be issued by the orphanage, translated and provided to the donor. If you are interested in doing this, after you make the donation to the PMF, please send me a copy of the Paypal invoice via email (shele337@gmail.com) so that I can ensure that the correct amount is designated specifically for diapers and that you receive a donation certificate after the diapers are purchased.
All donations to the PMF are tax deductible through Eli Project.

4.) If you’ve seen any photos of children that were recently adopted from Pleven (particularly, the older children), one thing that is pretty noticeable is the horrible condition their teeth are in. This was a result of the lack of nutrition and the lack of dental care. EVERY SINGLE CHILD in the orphanage has now seen a dentist (this is paid for by their National Health Insurance) and the children who need it will receive appropriate dental care.

5.) Many of the older children have osteoporosis as a result of years of malnutrition. Dr. Georgieva is in the process of beginning treatment for this. The PMF is covering the cost to have all the children tested for osteoporosis. These tests are being conducted this month. Once the results are back, all the children that have a confirmed diagnosis of osteoporosis will begin treatment for it. The estimated cost for this is $1,000, though an exact amount won’t be known until all the testing is complete. The medication required to treat the children diagnosed with osteoporosis will be covered by the Bulgarian National Health Insurance and treatment will continue for as long as it is needed.

6.) The PMF is currently working to fund a vehicle for the orphanage. This vehicle is used specifically for transporting children to medical appointments, to the hospital if they are sick, etc. The vehicle that was previously owned and used by the orphanage to transport children broke down about a month ago. The vehicle was assessed by a mechanic and it would cost more to repair the vehicle than to replace it with a different (used) vehicle. Since this vehicle is used to meet medical needs, the director asked if the PMF could help with this expense. Estimates have been received and the total amount needed to fully pay for a vehicle to be used by the orphanage for medical appointments is $2,848, which includes having the new vehicle assessed by a mechanic, purchasing the vehicle, paying the notary that does all the legal paper work and paying for the title. $1715 of that has already been raised through a fundraiser conducted by [Makayla's mom] Susan in which she was raising money for her own adoption from Pleven and pledged to give any money donated above the amount she needed to the PMF specifically to help pay for the vehicle. So, the remaining amount needed to cover the vehicle is $1133. Since over $1700 has already been raised for this purchase, the vehicle has been secured and is already at the orphanage for use to transport the children to medical appointments. Donations can be made through the PMF to help cover the cost of the vehicle. Here are some photos of what it looks like:



7.) Dr. Georgieva has installed a GPS in the vehicle. This is so that she can strictly monitor where the vehicle goes to ensure that it is only used to transport the children to medical appointments and not being abused by the staff for personal use.

8.) Nurses have been interviewed and approved by the director to work on the 6th floor. The money to pay the salaries of these two nurses was raised through another non-governmental organization (not the PMF) and these nurses will start work as soon as the contracts are signed with the non-governmental organization. Both ladies are well qualified and eager to work with the children. One of them is even a foster parent! They are both Christians and are ready to be the hands and feet of Christ while working with the children on the 6th floor. The money was raised to cover the salary of both nurses for an entire year.

9.) Dr. Georgieva is working to establish a standard of care and expected schedule for the Babas and therapists that work at the orphanage under contract with other non-governmental organizations. She is working to ensure that these people are actually doing the job that they are being paid for and the children are receiving the maximum benefit of having these people in the orphanage each day. In the future, there will be an opportunity to fund Babas and other staff members through the PMF. However, at this time, Dr. Georgieva has asked for time to get the currently employees all working efficiently before adding any additional personnel.

10.) Dr. Georgieva has brought in a physical therapist from the University Hospital in Pleven to evaluate all the children. This physical therapist has volunteered her time and evaluation services. The doctor has made the recommendation that each child with special needs such as cerebral palsy (and any other child with a physical disability or physical delays) receives one hour of physical therapy every single day. This includes massages, positioning and the use of therapy equipment. She is helping to set up a physical therapy schedule for the children to ensure that every child who needs therapy is receiving it.

Current projects that need funding:
Dr. Georgieva has set a goal to bring EVERY CHILD in the orphanage out of their crib and down to the dining room for meal time. She wants to set it up so that at meal-times, the caretakers and the Babas will take all the healthy kids and all the kids with special needs who physically could be brought down to the dining room to eat. That would mean getting them out of the cribs, diversifying the environment of the children and teaching them that the place where you sleep is not a place where you also eat. That will also provide some walking to the kids and some change in their routine. Most importantly, that will teach them the right way of eating, being independent with spoons and get rid as much as possible of the bottles. The director is not aiming at anything luxurious or huge, she just wants to make it a cozy, bright place, as it should be for children. Several things need to be done in order for this to happen:
1.) The dining room must be completely renovated. This is what the dining room looks like now:







For THREE DECADES, it has been used as a storage room. It is in desperate need of repairs. A quote has been given for the cost to make the repairs to the dining room. This includes: removing all the old sinks and buying new ones and installing them/getting them operational; removing the old paint from the walls; ground coat of all walls; painting of all walls; removing the old windows which leak and are broken, buying new ones and installing them, replacing the doors and the lights and any other repairs that are needed to make the dining room functional. The total cost for this, which includes supplies and labor, is $1,800.
We have stepped out in faith and said, “People will step up and fund this,” and the work to clear out the dining room has already started this week.

2.) Adaptive high chairs are needed for the children with physical disabilities to sit in while in the dining room. These can be purchased for $60-100 each. Due to the fact that there are many children with cerebral palsy and other disabilities that physically limit the children’s movement, several adaptive high chairs are going to be needed in order to accommodate all the children.
$3,000 could renovate the dining room AND provide 12 adaptive high chairs so that EVERY CHILD at Pleven could be brought out of their crib and down to the dining room for meals.
If you’d like to make a donation toward the dining room renovation project, tax deductible donations can be made through Eli Project for the PMF.
Additional needs:
The orphanage needs several gait trainer walkers for use with the children. These walkers support the children’s chest while working with them on building strength and mobility. These are especially important for the older children. Dr. Georgieva is currently pricing gait trainer walkers and donations will be accepted to cover the purchase of these as well.
The final recommendation from the University doctor who has done the physical therapy evaluations is the purchase of four specific therapy devices to be used on the children with cerebral palsy, paralysis and those with disabilities that cause respiratory or lung issues. The total cost for these 4 devices, including a 2 year warranty on each device, transportation/shipping cost to get them from Sofia (where they have to be purchased from) and training on how to use the devices for the staff is $5,200. If you’d like to make a donation toward the purchase of these devices, you can do so through the PMF.
Just as a general update on how the money from the PMF has been spent to date:
Children from the orphanage are continuing to go to Tokuda for evaluations and treatment. Surgeries are being performed, children are being fitted for orthopedic shoes and splints (and these are being purchased through the PMF), blood tests, genetics test, metabolic tests, CT scans, lenses for cataract surgeries and any other medically necessary procedures are being done. Dr. Georgieva has also found doctors at the University Hospital in Pleven that are willing to provide some treatments and testing for the children at a reduced price. This option is being explored as a possibility to meet some more of the immediate needs and the medical expenses for some of the younger children that are not suffering from malnutrition and only need immediate medical care/testing, so that travel to Sofia is not required.
There is $20,600 remaining in the PMF as of the end of last week.
Now that the medical needs of the children are being met and the nutritional needs are being addressed, Dr. Georgieva has begun looking forward to what her DREAM is for the orphanage.

We asked her for her “wish list” and this is what she said:
1.) Renovating the day center, which is where the Babas and caregivers take the children to play, by adding new educational toys and learning items that have a specific purpose in improving the development of the children
2.) A sensory room
3.) A physical therapy ROOM (renovating the current space): to be equipped with a ball pit, floor to ceiling mirrors and other items used specifically for motor development
4.) Oxygen treatment equipment for the children with severe medical needs that require oxygen in order to live

Just as a side note to these “dream” items and how many children would benefit from them, since we are often asked how many children currently live in this particular orphanage:
The orphanage has 3 different “sections” that fall under Dr. Georgieva’s care. One section is what most people typically think of as a “baby orphanage”…the place where orphans from birth to age 3-4 live until they are old enough to be transferred on to the “older child orphanage” in Pleven. The second section is the older children with special needs. This is why there are older children at this orphanage. These children all have some type of medical issue or more serious special need and they stay in this section at Pleven instead of being transferred to an institution. The third section is a mother and child section. Here, mothers come with their newborns and live there. They learn how to care for their child and have the child’s physical and medical needs met. The goal of this section of the orphanage is to teach these mothers how to meet the needs of their new baby. Sadly, Dr. Georgieva reports that many of these mothers still end up leaving their babies at the orphanage. Thankfully, Bulgaria has a very active domestic adoption program, so the newborns who are healthy are adopted very quickly. The babies with special needs stay at the orphanage longer. Those with more significant special needs that are rejected by Bulgarian families for adoption are eventually registered for international adoption. Since there are 3 different sections to this orphanage, MANY children would benefit from all the proposed changes to the orphanage.
We are THRILLED to see so many positive changes happening at Pleven. The need is still great and there is still much work to be done. There are several projects that will need funding over the next year and we are praying that people will step out and offer the financial support needed to see this complete overhaul of the conditions at this orphanage come to fruition. It is a BIG job, but it can be done with the prayer and support of many.
I have debated sharing this part of the update that I received, but I believe that it is just as important as all of the rest:
We are asking for those who believe accordingly to PRAY for Dr. Georgieva and the work that she is doing. MANY changes have been made and much work has been done. Not everyone is happy with what she is doing. There are people who thought that nothing was wrong with the previous conditions at Pleven. There are many who still think that the children are not worth it. There are those standing in the background watching…and hoping that Dr. Georgieva fails at what she is doing. She still faces opposition to the changes. SHE IS IN THE TRENCHES fighting for the children of Pleven and she needs the prayers of Christians to lift her up as she continues the fight. Even if you can not provide a monetary donation toward all the projects happening at Pleven, you can pray for the director, for the children and for all the good things that are in the works to come to fruition so that the CHILDREN of Pleven reap the benefits of all that is being done.
As a final recap, the current needs through the PMF are:
1.) The remainder of the funds for the vehicle: $1,133
2.) The dining room renovation: $1,800
3.) Adaptive high chairs for the dining room: $1,200
4.) Physical therapy equipment: $5,200
As quickly as these financial needs are met, we will begin working with Dr. Georgieva on her “dream” list!
~Shelley Bedford

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
“…our God is in heaven; He does whatever He pleases.”
“For of Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things.  To Him be the glory forever, Amen.“


Bonus Post Script–
Susanna:  Shelley, as I prepare to re-post your Pleven update, I am anticipating a question I know I will receive, and I’d like to have an answer ready. If there is still over $20K in the PMF, why can’t these other expenses you listed be drawn from that existing fund?
Shelley:  We have discussed that at length. It actually CAN be used, since all of these things are related to meeting the medical needs of the children. However, our fear was that people would get mad if we used that money for something other than paying hospital/actual medical expenses, since that was how we said we would use it when we asked for those initial donations. We’ve tried very hard to maintain the integrity of the PMF with accountability, so we didn’t want to spend money that was donated for hospital care to go for something else.

You have no idea how much we agonized about that.  It would have been SO easy to just spend the money in the account for everything that the orphanage needs. But, that wasn’t what it was donated for…and I am PRAYING that people will give for all of these projects too.

Susanna:  I hope people are impressed with HOW FAR their money will go! What was the original total given to the PMF?
Shelley:   $36,580 was the initial deposit into the fund. $16K has gone a LONG way!!! I told Toni that here in the US, one hospitalization for one child that included X-rays, tests and a surgery would go over that amount in a DAY!

Brokenness and a song

I am feeling a little broken today...I am not sure if that makes it a good blogging day or not but I will do it anyway.

My life currently seems to be a mix of fundraising, running from grief and fear and filling out paperwork.  To be honest for the past few days I have been feeling like a failure at all of those things and have mostly been moving through the motions of life while only being "in it" when I play with my son Ishmael.  I love him so much and he brings me so much joy.  When I play with him I sometimes find myself wondering how Simon will fit into our lives.  How long will it be before we will be able to play cars with Simon on the living room floor?  I know it will be a while before we get him home but I find myself wondering how long once we have him home will it be before we can teach him to play?  And then I think of how much I love both my sons but how hard it is to let myself love Simon because I can't rescue him yet.  And the more I love him the more I must face the fact that he is being abused and neglected right now.

I wonder a lot about his brokenness.  Physically and mentally.  We have committed to him so of course we will love him no matter what...that is not my issue.  I think about where we might start in his development...getting him to eat from a bottle, teaching him to sit up, teaching him to crawl?  It seems bizarre to picture yourself needing to do these things with an 8 year old child.  And this brings me back to my grief.

I am a mess of tears and emotions thinking about the kids in Simon's orphanage.  My world has been rocked this week by a new understanding of their abuse.  It is hard to know the truth about how badly these children have been abused.  Knowing that truth makes it all the harder to function in daily society.  When I tell people about our adoption and they ask me questions, such shallow questions, questions that make me want to scream the truth to them.  But then there are others days when I think, lucky for them, they can live without knowing the horrors of the orphan.  They don't spend days and nights weeping for them.  They can go about their business without thinking about the crib that holds THEIR child.  Wondering how they will ever get enough money to break them out of their cell.

I have this same problem when people talk about their possessions or their money.  Because I need money.  I need other people's money.  I have gone into this adoption praying God will provide the $22,000.  I will admit that I struggle to just let God handle this whole thing.  I know he is in control...but I still need to do my part.  And what is my role in fundraising?  How do I keep asking people for money?  OR how do I stop myself from putting a hand out to people who seem to have a lot of money?  Don't tell me any stories about having a lot of cash or you will cause me to sin!!!

I wrote a song a few weeks ago.  I went through a box of kleenx while writing it.  It is a song for Simon.  I had just read about a family whose children died in the orphanage before they were able to get her home.  I began to have fear creep in about Simon's health and his condition.  To be honest we don't know how much time we will get to have him in our lives.   I have a video of me singing the song but I couldn't get it uploaded to you tube.  Perhaps I will figure that out soon and share it with you.  I do plan on recording an album to sell....as a fundraiser.  (I feel like i need to sell everything that isn't nailed down)

I think that a lot of internationally special needs adoptive parents must be going through the feelings that my husband and I are.  I am hoping that God will give me songs that will help them on their journey as well.  Because I know that crying through music helps me to process, grieve and feel.  So here is to that.  Please pray more music will come and that eventually God will use it to help fund Simon's adoption!

Here are the song lyrics:  Here is a video of my song:

Eyes that once scared me
now break my heart
this is how this mother's love
is going to start
Do you hear me my son?  I'm praying
Do you hear me my son? I'm calling.
Do you hear me my son? I'm coming for you.

I know your body's broken
but I don't know whats wrong
I pray to God to comfort you
because my arms just aren't that long

Do you hear me my son?  I'm praying
Do you hear me my son? I'm calling.
Do you hear me my son? I'm coming for you.

Sometimes I am scared to love you
because I know it will hurt
but it can't hurt worse than what
they've already done to you

Do you hear me my son?  I'm praying
Do you hear me my son? I'm calling.
Do you hear me my son? I'm coming for you.

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I will be there
I am coming

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I will be there
I am coming

Won't you hold on?
Won't you hold on?
I will be there
I am coming.......for you.